Ouija

I don't even know what to say about this. It's so hard to come up with something inventive to say about a movie that just feels so ridiculously lazy. Even the actors look like they would rather die, maybe they were emulating how the audience would feel watching them die. The story is terribly flimsy and it's really just a cop-out to throw Shit to the screen and hope something sticks. There's no surprises, imagination, or anything remotely resembling terror here. It's such a lazy trend for horror movies to be PG-13 and think that's a justification to not even try. Only person I feel bad for is Olivia Cooke, who seems to be using her talent in all the wrong games.

0/4

The Other Woman

It's such an oddity when a movie with a theme of such overriding female empowerment turns out being so misogynistic and flat-out embarassing to females. I have to wonder if the screenwriters have ever met any woman in life. And if they were women, if they even considered thinking about any women on this planet when they wrote these characters.

Cameron Diaz's character finds out that her dream boyfriend is married to Leslie Mann's character. After a meeting or two, they are best friends (because that totally happens) and both then find out that their dream man has a dream mistress played by Kate Upton.

The characterization of the female characters sinks this already broken ship. The transition from hating each other to revenge buddies feels so rushed and forced I wondered at times if reels were missing from the movie. Diaz's character is a stiff, Mann's belongs in an institution,  Upton's is completely vacuous.  So we're supposed to like these people? Why? Because none of them have the brains to just move on? And the less said about Nicki Minaj's complete waste of film role...the better.

All of their hijinks feel terribly amateurish as well.  Giving someone laxatives and filming it isn't funny. Giving a male character female hormones to make his tits bigger isn't funny. No matter what the women go through you'll leave this movie feeling like you've been screwed over the hardest.

0/4

Oculus

Oculus uses an interesting technique of blending the past and present into one also making the viewer realize that the biggest monsters are the demons we grow up with. 

3/4

Oldboy

For a movie whose original was deemed as so controversial and outrageous, this version of Oldboy just has no kick or bite to it. The previews mislead me thinking it would take risks and include surprises instead what we're watching feels sub-standard and watered down.

The problems start out in the beginning. Josh Brolin's character; Joe, is instantly unlikeable, it's hard to give two shits about anything that happens so the following scenes of isolation and quarantine just tend to drag considering they're happening to someone that they should be happening to.

Once he gets out things don't improve. I was shocked at how tedious and poorly visualized the action scenes were. Half of the time you can't tell what is going on and when you are able to see it....you wish you wouldn't have; straight-up Mortal Kombat shit graphics.

I mentioned that Brolin's character is unlikeable and this seems to be the guideline for the rest of the characters; make you care as little about them as possible. Marie played by Elizabeth Olsen is just there for a love interest for the lead without being given any personality or impact into the plot herself. Even Samuel Jackson's antagonist character comes off as incredibly silly and not the least bit threatening. It's a fucked up day when you can make Samuel Jackson lame but damn it, that is one of the few challenges that Oldboy rises up to defeat and conquer.

1/4

Olympus has Fallen



I really try not to be biased against action movies and give them a chance, but when they're as painful, bland, and bloated as Olympus Has Fallen I find it really hard to jump ships into the action genre boat.

What's up? Gerard Butler plays Mike, a bodyguard whose decision on the job results in the death of the wife (Ashley Judd) of President Benjamin Asher (Aaron Eckhart). It's clear the president isn't happy as Mike receives a huge downgrade in jobs, but he soon gets a chance to redeem himself as the White House is overtaken by terrorists from North Korea.

What's good? Olympus Has Fallen was clearly casted to impress. Gerard Butler is rootable and believable as the hero, Aaron Eckhart gives good likeability and credibility to the presidential role and Morgan Freeman also delivers a solid turn as the Speaker of the house.

The early scenes of chaos in Olympus Has Fallen are so ridiculously authentic looking it's horrifying. Some of the early scenes of distruction are so frantic and frightening that they look as if they came out of 9/11 footage tapes. It really draws the viewer in as to what is to come.

What the fuck? Sadly, after these initial scenes of horror, you're left yawning more then anything else with Olympus Has Fallen. The villains are given no personality so it's really difficult to care when the material starts moving in their focus more then anyone else.

The action scenes feel terribly repetitive as if you're stuck on the same level in a video game for two hours. There really isn't enough going on of intrigue to justify this ridiculously unneeded running time as you're often wishing a terrorist would strap something to your head to end what you're viewing.

Olympus Has Fallen just feels so stock and routine, every you think will live ends up living and vice versa for those who you think will die. How can a tragedy leave you so unmoved and catatonic?

Overall: Olympus Has Fallen had the cast and the visuals in its' favor but chose to throw them away and torture the viewer with the world's longest and most tedious video game. At least those that are shot down quick receive a quick finish as you're envious due to the billion hour length of film that you have left to go.

1/4

Oz

    Why must everything be remade or prequeled these days? It's completely unecessary to take a classic and throw a bunch of unneeded backstory into the tale, and there lies the problem with Oz; there's not much of a point for it to exist.

James Franco stars as Oz, an amateur magician who wants an elevation in his life. He soon receives that opportunity after escaping from angry circus men on a hot air balloon which magically transports him to an unknown land named Oz. He meets two witches named Theodora and Evanora (Mila Kunis & Rachel Weisz) who want him to become their king with one rule, he must kill the evil witch; Glenda (Michelle Williams). He soon is placed in the middle of their battle and must find out how to succeed when he doesn't even have a single power to his name.

For such a quickly summarized plot, Oz sure has an unjustifiable length. 130 minutes is far too long for such a thinly plotted film. Not enough is really going on to keep the audience entertained from beginning to end and it feels like it takes forever for the story to move along to the conclusion. Oz drags mainly because the actual film structure feels threadbare. I felt like there should have been more attention to the story as opposed to the physical surroundings.

Speaking of the physical surroundings, I have quite the love-hate relationship with them. The first 20 minutes are stellar, they look immaculate and it's one of the few times you feel like Oz has even a hint of a similarity to the original classic. However once the lead character moves into Oz, things go downhill a bit in terms of the visual success. Oz is quite the beautiful land, but it almost smacks you over the head with it's beauty. There's too many scenes that feel like they exist just to show off the creations. It gets a bit tiresome and at times you can almost imagine the green screen the actors are reacting to.

The performances are quite the mixed bag as well. James Franco and Mila Kunis I would say are the biggest struggles. I'm not sure if they struggle mainly due to their poor, bland characterization or if neither actor is really giving it their all, but their scenes fall flat. Franco looks bored half the time and tries way too hard at other times to be charming which feels stiff. Kunis is sadly bland from beginning to end. Even after she's endured her physical and mental tranformation, nothing of intrigue strikes with her. And don't even get me started on the completely unnecessary flying monkey and China doll characters.

Luckily, Rachel Weisz and Michelle Williams fare much better. Williams is one of the few that really displays any type of charm into her performance. Her scenes are just the right balance of sweet and strength. And Rachel Weisz is easily the biggest strength the movie contains. Sassy, sour, and sinister. She's easily the highlight and easily the person I was most waiting on whenever she was off screen. One of the few that actually brings a sense of magic to the film, despite the rest of it feeling like an artifice of real magic.

1/4



Orphan

From what we've seen in horror movies in the last decade (Orphan, The Omen, The Children, Wicked Little Things), children are evil. Anyone considering having/adopting children should think twice, and then head over to the nearest Petsmart. But, Orphan has a neat twist or two that sets it out from the standard evil child movie.

Isabelle Fuhrman was the perfect choice as Esther in this movie. She conveys a real sense if innocence in the earlier scenes, and totally knows how to bring on her bad little bitch side later on in the movie. She'll smile in your face and kill the shit out of you within the same second. There's an ominous prescence that surrounds Esther even when she isn't plotting someone's death.

Props go out to the movie on actually being able to convey horror without having to resort to blood and gore every two seconds. Though one or two scenes is quite brutal (pray for that nun), the movie rarely uses blood to get the point across. It more so relies on the terrifying situation of knowing someone's up to no good, but not knowing why or how they are committing the crimes.

Orphan isn't perfect though. I wish the movie was a bit shorter (124 minutes isn't exactly that Tanner friendly) and some of the scenes towards the end with Esther in her father are just...really fucking weird. Besides those minor nitpicks, Orphan is a solid entry into the "Just another reason why children suck" franchise.

3/4