The Menu

 

This was so much fun and easily my favorite horror movie so far of 2022. Really well acted, funny, and it goes in a completely different direction then the previews indicate which it was beneficial considering how predictable that shit was going to be.

3/4 (Very close to a 4)

The Invitation

 

Very reminiscent of Ready or Not, but ironically enough, a lot more blood-drained and defanged.

2/4

They Look Like People

A close friend once pondered if a movie could inspire the viewer to have a mental disorder and Goddamn if this one doesn't take that cake. Reminded me of a baby Frailty. Great chemistry between the leads and chilling throughout even if the ending is a little 🤔

3/4

Tales of Halloween

So it's clear what movie we were shooting for, but too many "Tales" end up making this feel like a trick more than a treat 

2/4 

 

The Devil All the Time

Soooo was UnPleasantville already taken as a title? Really fascinating look at everything ugly about religion. And we can all agree that the real devil all the time was the person who created that spider scene AmIrite?

3/4

The Babysitter: Killer Queen

 Like everything and everyone else in the world, it could have used **SPOILER** more Samara Weaving, but it still retains the loveable crackhead energy of the original regardless. 

3/4

The Beach House

 A big, soggy mess that tries to dry itself off with a nutty conclusion long after any fucks remain. 

1/4

The Blackcoat's Daughter

 

Let me tell you all the Shit I hated about this movie;

1. That I fell asleep the first time I tried to watch it.

2. That it is impossible to be nearly as perfect as Lucy Boynton is here no matter how many times I write Santa.

3. That more accolades aren't given to Kiernan off this performance, she's bone chilling here. 

3/4

Tigers Are Not Afraid

 A really beautiful movie about really ugly situations. And yes, this is pretty much the most GDT inspired movie ever that wasn't made by him. Cue the awful pun ahead, but I present.... Guillermo Del Sorrow. 

3/4

The New Mutants

 Not as bad as we were expecting (maybe even anticipating), but the whole thing just feels like a big bowl of ice cream that's been left out for too long and stirred with by the creators too many times. 

2/4

The Night Clerk

Well, light as a feather is usually a compliment, but this movie needed the weight and meat of the bird that it's lacking. This cast deserved a Turkey. 

2/4

The Lodge

You know how in Spongebob when Patrick had the idea to take Bikini Bottom and move it somewhere else? Well, can I take Riley Keough's performance and move it into a less anemic version of Hereditary?

2/4

The Invisible Man

Sigh. Easily the best movie I saw in what has unfortunately been a short cinematic year. Elizabeth Moss is stellar and just one of many recent performances that make me wish we had some type of prestigious awards ceremony for just horror movies and their performances as well. She's really great. And I liked how they tied in the elements of supernatural and mental as well. Not only does she have to worry about her ex who committed suicide coming after her in invisible form, she has to worry about the state of her mental health due to the lack of support from anyone around her. Because of course this is that type of scenario where someone swears something is going on and everyone and their mother unintentionally (and in some cases intentionally) is gas lighting her, making her question what is real and what is not. Which is in turn more bone chilling then an invisible figure who could cut your throat at a moment's notice (nudge nudge).

3/4

The Hunt

The people that were genuinely offended by this movie are the same fools that are iv'ing each other with disinfectants as we speak, this movie was a fucking riot.

3/4

The Lighthouse

Wow. Just wow. Horror can be a genre which, in my opinion, is that one that can be the most thought provoking of them all. It's been almost a week since I've seen this and I'm still just wondering...how? Worth a view for anyone who enjoys slow burns that know when to hit, the director once again knocks it out of the park (previous film was The Witch which as you can see, I adored) . Robert Pattinson and Willem Dafoe deserve lifetime achievement awards, and this movie has permanently fucked up my opinion on mermaids, seagulls, and anything related to the sea.

3/4 (so close to being a 4)

The Poughkeepsie Tapes

Bonechilling and at times it is unbearably tense.  I can't remember the last time a movie wasn't Shitty yet I wanted so many scenes to be over with already. 

3/4

The Grudge

So let me tell you a brief history of me and this Shit. So when I first heard about this, I thought....Fuck no. Then I saw the watered down preview and thought oh :).....definitely Fuck no. Then that Damn Redband trailer came along...biggest tease ever, I actually saw a ray of hope. That ray of hope died almost instantly. The whole thing is just raggedy. They have a pretty talented cast and give them jackshit to do. The structure is off as well, there's 3 stories they cut in and out of, but because of what's the most recent story you have an idea of how the other two will end. They also change the origin of the curse and there's no ending. Fuck this mess. 

1/4

The Prodigy

Only feels like a prodigy in the form of unoriginality, as the whole thing feels Frankensteined together from pieces of much better movies. 

1/4

The Girl on the Train

       I had huge hopes for this one, coming off of Gone Girl, most had expected a masterpiece. Sadly, this one let me down a bit. It pulls off that moody, atmosepheric vibe well and it is definitely a new type of role for Emily Blunt, playing the sad sack, non-glam, non desired alcoholic mess. However, what held me back from giving this a similar ranking to the far superior Gone Girl is the conclusion. YOu can't unsee the ending from a mile away as there may as well be giant Red arrows pointing to who the culprit is. Where as Gone Girl took twists and turns with how the story played out, unfortunately this train is a bit too straight-edged from beginning to end.

3/4

The Witch

       This was an absolutely outstanding effort and felt like such a fresh breath of Horror air. I had high hopes from all the advanced screenings and it never let me down. Even though shit splatters and hits the fan in the last 20 minutes, what is most unsettling about this is the family dynamic that occurs as the element of conflict and chaos ensue. When terror strikes, who can you really trust? What will people around you, even those considered close do to save their own asses? The scariest movies in my opinion aren't the ones with vampires, zombies, or mass murderers who just won't die despite being slayed in every entry. It's the human elements that I find to be the most bone chilling, as you find that those around you morph into these creatures that you have never experienced before, but ones that strike to the core when panic and desperation take over. Let The Witch cast a spell on you, as you will find yourself entranced up until the credits roll.

4/4