Top Whore-Ers of the 2000's

Much better decade for the genre! So much so, that I am deciding to do a top 5 (or possibly more) depending on the year. Leggo




2000
5. Final Destination
4. Unbreakable
3. Ginger Snaps
2. The Gift
1. American Psycho


Not a bad start up for the decade! A pretty respectable top 5, Final Destination was the start of one of the hugest franchises of the decade, Unbreakable continued the streak of Shamaylan's success, Ginger Snaps has to be one of the best werewolf movies ever, and The Gift is such an underrated joy. But in the end, for sheep depravity and a balls to the walls performance by Christian Bale, I couldn't help but run with American Psycho.










2001
5. Jeepers Creepers
4. May
3. The Others
2. Donnie Darko
1. Frailty


This was such a great year, maybe I'm biased as Fuck and a lot of it was trash but this was the year my parents started letting me see a lot of these movies so screw it. Frailty was a no-brainer for me though, the twist alone gets me every time.








2002
5. Cabin Fever
4. Panic Room
3. Signs
2. The Ring
1. 28 Days Later


This was a stellar year as looking through, I could have easily tacked on another good 5 movies that I was proud to list. 28 Days Later gave invention and life back to a genre that is rather dead (major pun intended) so I can't not vote that one.










2003
5. Wrong Turn
4. Freddy Vs. Jason
3. The Texas Chainsaw Massacre
2. High Tension
1. House of 1000 Corpses


Another great year! I had such a blast seeing these and many more this year. House of 1000 Corpses was pure nightmare fuel from beginning to end and therefore was my horse to back.








2004
5. Secret Window
4. Saw
3. Open Water
2. Shaun of the Dead
1. Dawn of the Dead


I can't believe the original Saw is 16 fucking years old. Jesus. Another awesome year, but when I think of near perfect remakes, Dawn of the Dead immediately comes to mind.









2005
5. Wolf Creek
4. The Devil's Rejects
3. Hostel
2. War of the Worlds
1. The Descent


How can it not be The Descent? Claustrophobia, paranoia, physical danger, the movie really touched on more than one type of fear and it did it all with such brauva.








2006
5. The Hills Have Eyes
4. Saw III
3. Hatchet
2. Bug
1. Pan's Labyrinth


Probably such a cliched choice but I can't help, Pan's Labyrinth really won me over and similar to The Descent, really touched on several different types of features and did it with such a beauty.






2007
05. The Poughkeepsie Tapes
04. Sweeney Todd
03. Grindhouse
02. Trick R' Treat
01. REC


THIS IS THE YEAR! If I had to guide anyone to a variety of movies based on the year they came out, I'd happily and easily refer them here. There was even a good 5-6 options I left off that I was bummed about. Tough call, but REC
was a 75 min heart attack.



2008
5. The Ruins
4. Eden Lake
3. Midnight Meat Train
2. The Strangers
1. Lake Mungo


Maybe I was a bit spoiled by the previous year, but this one just felt....meh. Lake Mungo, on the contrary to Trick R' Treat, took a genre that I am NOT a huge fan of (the found footage/documentary genre) and really made it feel authentic and chilling all at once, and I'm not just talking about THAT scene




2009
5. Sorority Row
4. Splice
3. Orphan
2. Dead Snow
1. Drag Me To Hell


A pretty fair way to end the decade! A lot of remakes this year, most of which were hits others were....choices. Drag Me To Hell felt like a rollercoaster from beginning to end, inventive, fun, and proof that you can be a boss with a PG-13 rating.

Top dogs *Non horror* : 2000-2009

2000

3. Chicken Run

2. Best In Show

1. Requiem For A Dream 

2001

3. Ghost World

2. Monsters, Inc.

1. Moulin Rouge

2002

3. Gangs of New York

2. About Schmidt

1. Chicago

2003

3. Kill Bill

2. Finding Nemo

1. Thirteen

2004

3. Finding Neverland

2. Eternal Sunshine

1. Million Dollar Baby

2005

3. Brokeback Mountain

2. Crash

1. A History of Violence

2006

3. Notes on a Scandal

2. The Last King of Scotland

1. Little Miss Sunshine

2007

3. No Country for Old Men

2. Eastern Promises

1. Atonement

2008

3. The Curious Case of Benjamin Button

2. Wall*E

1. Milk

2009

3. Coraline/Precious

2. Up

1. Inglorious Basterds

Jeepers Creepers 2

"Once is a blessing, twice is a curse" is not only a very humorous, though often true saying for having more than one child, this can also be used for having more than one entry in a series. Jeepers Creepers 2 is a complete fail and it's still a mystery to this day as to why it was invented.

Jeepers Creepers 2 stars Ray Wise, as Jack Taggart, a father who is hellbent on getting revenge on "The Creeper" for taking away his son. Oh, and during all of this, a schoolbus full of teenage athletes, their coaches, and their bus driver are stuck in the middle of nowhere while The Creeper hunts them down. And I guess there's a psychic whose having visions about Darry from the first movie after he's been killed warning everyone to stay away from The Creeper. And no, I'm not making this shit up.

The only reason I'm not giving this movie an F is just based on the pure hillarity of the whole thing. The performances are terrible, the story is air thin, there's more scares in an episode of Rugrats, but it blows so hard it almost loops back around to being completely hillarious. Nothing can be taken seriously the entire time as the entire movie feels like a big blooper. I can't think of one scene that's even remotely chilling but I can name about 10 that made me laugh my ass off. It's just a shame no one informed the director on how comical Jeepers Creepers is from beginning to end.

1/4





Darkness Falls

Bad horror movies are like the plague. You try to avoid them as best as you can. No one looks forward to having any experience with them. And despite this, both will always find a way to get in contact with you and fuck up a bit of your time. And by that comparison, I introduce Darkness Falls, a terrible, terrible, terrible movie.

Darkness Falls has a pretty simple premise. Evil tooth fairy haunts everyone in the town where she was murdered, attempting to hunt down all of the residents in the darkness. Mainly Kyle Walsh (played without an ounce of personality by Chaney Kley), his crush Caitlin (Emma Caufield from Buffy) and her little brother Michael (played by who gives a fuck, he sucks). The first 10 minutes or so is pretty effective. Kyle watches his Mom get killed by the evil tooth fairy. Watching a family member die right in front of your face has always been a terrifying idea to me. Darkness Falls then flies off the track soon after.

Even though the previously mentioned beginning is good, Darkness Falls does absolutely nothing beneficial after. There's no twists, there's no future plot advancements, hell there's barely even a climax. It's just about 80 minutes of Kyle running around and having no one believe his story until another threadbare character bites the dust right in front of their face. It gets old really quickly.

Darkness Falls is about as productive as a fattie in a marathon. It literally is 90 minutes of absolute nothing. There's barely any story, you don't really know shit about the characters and even less about the ones that pop up for 2 seconds before getting dragged away by the tooth fairy. The murders (which you can see coming about 2 planets away) mainly occur offscreen and the special effects are less than impressive due to how frequent you see the tooth fairy. She goes from slightly creepy to just flat out ridiculous based on how many times you see her towards the end. Nothing left to the imagination in this movie at all.

Darkness Falls is a giant ball of bullshit. Absolutely no merit at all. I would rather rip out every tooth possible and throw myself into every dark corner available rather than watch this bullshit one more time. Can't wait for the evil Easter bunny movie. Hoorah.

1/4