Top Whore-Ers of the 2000's

Much better decade for the genre! So much so, that I am deciding to do a top 5 (or possibly more) depending on the year. Leggo




2000
5. Final Destination
4. Unbreakable
3. Ginger Snaps
2. The Gift
1. American Psycho


Not a bad start up for the decade! A pretty respectable top 5, Final Destination was the start of one of the hugest franchises of the decade, Unbreakable continued the streak of Shamaylan's success, Ginger Snaps has to be one of the best werewolf movies ever, and The Gift is such an underrated joy. But in the end, for sheep depravity and a balls to the walls performance by Christian Bale, I couldn't help but run with American Psycho.










2001
5. Jeepers Creepers
4. May
3. The Others
2. Donnie Darko
1. Frailty


This was such a great year, maybe I'm biased as Fuck and a lot of it was trash but this was the year my parents started letting me see a lot of these movies so screw it. Frailty was a no-brainer for me though, the twist alone gets me every time.








2002
5. Cabin Fever
4. Panic Room
3. Signs
2. The Ring
1. 28 Days Later


This was a stellar year as looking through, I could have easily tacked on another good 5 movies that I was proud to list. 28 Days Later gave invention and life back to a genre that is rather dead (major pun intended) so I can't not vote that one.










2003
5. Wrong Turn
4. Freddy Vs. Jason
3. The Texas Chainsaw Massacre
2. High Tension
1. House of 1000 Corpses


Another great year! I had such a blast seeing these and many more this year. House of 1000 Corpses was pure nightmare fuel from beginning to end and therefore was my horse to back.








2004
5. Secret Window
4. Saw
3. Open Water
2. Shaun of the Dead
1. Dawn of the Dead


I can't believe the original Saw is 16 fucking years old. Jesus. Another awesome year, but when I think of near perfect remakes, Dawn of the Dead immediately comes to mind.









2005
5. Wolf Creek
4. The Devil's Rejects
3. Hostel
2. War of the Worlds
1. The Descent


How can it not be The Descent? Claustrophobia, paranoia, physical danger, the movie really touched on more than one type of fear and it did it all with such brauva.








2006
5. The Hills Have Eyes
4. Saw III
3. Hatchet
2. Bug
1. Pan's Labyrinth


Probably such a cliched choice but I can't help, Pan's Labyrinth really won me over and similar to The Descent, really touched on several different types of features and did it with such a beauty.






2007
05. The Poughkeepsie Tapes
04. Sweeney Todd
03. Grindhouse
02. Trick R' Treat
01. REC


THIS IS THE YEAR! If I had to guide anyone to a variety of movies based on the year they came out, I'd happily and easily refer them here. There was even a good 5-6 options I left off that I was bummed about. Tough call, but REC
was a 75 min heart attack.



2008
5. The Ruins
4. Eden Lake
3. Midnight Meat Train
2. The Strangers
1. Lake Mungo


Maybe I was a bit spoiled by the previous year, but this one just felt....meh. Lake Mungo, on the contrary to Trick R' Treat, took a genre that I am NOT a huge fan of (the found footage/documentary genre) and really made it feel authentic and chilling all at once, and I'm not just talking about THAT scene




2009
5. Sorority Row
4. Splice
3. Orphan
2. Dead Snow
1. Drag Me To Hell


A pretty fair way to end the decade! A lot of remakes this year, most of which were hits others were....choices. Drag Me To Hell felt like a rollercoaster from beginning to end, inventive, fun, and proof that you can be a boss with a PG-13 rating.

The Poughkeepsie Tapes

Bonechilling and at times it is unbearably tense.  I can't remember the last time a movie wasn't Shitty yet I wanted so many scenes to be over with already. 

3/4

Top dogs *Non horror* : 2000-2009

2000

3. Chicken Run

2. Best In Show

1. Requiem For A Dream 

2001

3. Ghost World

2. Monsters, Inc.

1. Moulin Rouge

2002

3. Gangs of New York

2. About Schmidt

1. Chicago

2003

3. Kill Bill

2. Finding Nemo

1. Thirteen

2004

3. Finding Neverland

2. Eternal Sunshine

1. Million Dollar Baby

2005

3. Brokeback Mountain

2. Crash

1. A History of Violence

2006

3. Notes on a Scandal

2. The Last King of Scotland

1. Little Miss Sunshine

2007

3. No Country for Old Men

2. Eastern Promises

1. Atonement

2008

3. The Curious Case of Benjamin Button

2. Wall*E

1. Milk

2009

3. Coraline/Precious

2. Up

1. Inglorious Basterds

Juno

Ellen Page's charmand Diablo Cody's screenplay work in unison to create magic.

4/4

Teeth

Just as the idea of sex couldn't seem to get any scarier to some, is Teeth, a hillarious, disturbing, original, and terribly fun movie all about the consequences of having non-consensual sex. Starring Jess Weixler as Dawn, the lead girl who is cursed with vagina dentana. Which pretty much means exactly what it sounds like, she has teeth inside her vagina that spring into action whenever someone tries to...enter, without her consent. As you can imagine, the results are often quite painful for those who just can't seem to leave her alone.

Lots of movies feature teenagers killing other teenagers and/or having powers/curses that enable them to do so, but I can't say I've ever seen one that has anything in common with Teeth, in the very best way. Teeth manages to keep your interest through the horror that these characters go through with Dawn and the humor that is also portrayed in these sequences of horror as well. Gynocologists, step-brothers, sexually frustrated religious guys beware, Dawn (brilliantly played by Weixler) is on the hunt, and it's safe to say she is certainly long in the tooth.

3/4



P2

The lead should have escaped quicker and that's a mistake the audience will surely not make

1/4



Halloween

Remakes are often quite tricky. Most people are skeptical about how they will be in comparison to the original, and a lot of people just wonder, "What's the point?". And considering the massive amount of praise and fame the original Halloween received, I think it's safe to say that Rob Zombie had some big shoes to fill. Surprisingly enough though, I actually think he did a pretty good job and Halloween is easily much better than most people would expect.

Unlike the original which starts out with Michael murdering his sister Judith, this version of Halloween goes even further back, showing out the reasoning behind Michael's madness. Michael (Daeg Faerch) has a really shitty life. His stepfather Ronnie (William Forsythe) is an asshole. His sister Judith (Hanna R. Hall) is neglectful and careless. His pets...well, he kills them before they have any chances of disrespecting him. The only person close to him that seems to show him any love is his mother Deborah (Sheri Moon Zombie), and even she is a bit neglectful and well...really stupid (shown off by her skills of rationalizing her son's collection of dead animal photos). One day Michael just snaps. He kills the local bully (Daryl Sabara from Spy Kids). Later that night on Halloween, he snaps even further, murdering his stepfather, his sister, and her ugly boyfriend. He then gets locked up in the local nuthouse and goes even further down the rabbit hole, crushing his mother's hope and happiness as he goes down further. This material covers about the first 40-45 minutes off the movie, and I must say it's quite effective. The performances overall are pretty solid (especially Sheri Moon Zombie), the kills are just gruesome enough to satisfy gorehounds, and it's a pretty involving story. At times, you actually feel a bit bad for Michael which is what Rob Zombie intended. 

After the scenes with Michael and his mother end, Michael breaks out of the asylum and from then on..the movie changes pace and tone. His main target is his sister Laurie (Scout Taylor-Compton), and her two friends Annie and Lynda (played by Danielle Harris and Kristina Klebe). And you know how it goes from here. Michael goes after her friends first and eliminates anyone in her way until he's chasing around Laurie and the kids she's babysitting.

Unfortunately, this part of the movie doesn't work as well as the first half. First off, 2/3 of the main actresses are horrible. Danielle Harris (the Halloween queen) is pretty good as Annie, but the other two are almost unwatchable. Compton just screeches and whines just about all her lines. She's embarassing to watch in the scenes before Michael (they try and make her funny, no), and borderline spastic when she's screaming and running around. At times it almost looks like she's singing her lines, "HELLLLLPPPPPPPPPPPUHHHH". Klebe is pretty painful as well. In the original, the character Lynda was the ditzy, fun little sexbomb. In this one, Lynda is obnoxious, irritating, and just gross. Klebe just comes off as a cheap, amateur knock off of P.J. Soles' infamous performance. And for fuck's sake...we didn't need to see her bush. Just saying.

As neat as some of the bloodtastic kills are, there's not a ton of time to build up genuine thrills. Yes, Halloween kept me entertained but overall this version just doesn't have that genuine air of menace and terror that the original did. Rob Zombie does his best but overall, to quote a recent character in the Scream series....don't fuck with the original. 

Despite easily being outshined by the original Halloween, this version still does the job. It moves along pretty quickly with some nice bloody kills. The first 40-45 minutes is really strong and even though the last half definitely doesn't measure up, it's at least entertaining with a few decent scares. And considering all the shitty remakes that probably inspire the original to roll around in their grave...I would say that's a pretty decent compliment for a horror remake.

3/4

Hostel Part II

The last 20 minutes is why God invented YASSSS! And don't try and tell me otherwise

3/4

Dead Silence

Super fun to watch even if nothing about it is even close to super.

2/4

The Mist

Like most creature features, The Mist is a movie that demonstrates that there is something out there worse then a monster hellbent on destroying the world. People. People are a million times worse than any creature could ever be. The Mist is one of the most pessimistic and melancholy movies about the attitude of mankind with survival that I have seen in a while.

Fortunately, The Mist is also one of the best horror movies of 2007. First off, the performances are so much fun. Thomas Jane is perfect as the role of David, a dad that will get his badass on in order to protect those he loves. Marcia Gay Harden is the biggest highlight in the film though, a total showstealer as Mrs. Carmody, a religious fanatic that will sacrifice anyone at the drop of a hat in order to sustain her own life. Also worthy of mentioning is Frances Sternhagen as Irene, an old bitty that's still as wise and sharp as any of the younger victims.

The Mist is great at sustaining tension as well. The best moments in the movie are actually the ones in which very little is happening. Just viewing the hopless looks of terror on the characters' faces as they are aware of what's going on around them is more tense and dramatic then any scene where the monsters are on screen. Even scarier is what these people will do in order to survive. Sacrifice is as present as ever. Really shows how fucked up people are in general. Which is the scariest thing ever.

Unfortunately though, the CGI isn't as strong as the rest of the movie. When the creatures are on screen, many of them take away from the horror in the situations. The CGI is really cheap and lame, it's almost hard to take them seriously as there's really no element of fright with these monsters.

And last, but certainly not least...THE ENDING. Easily one of the biggest downers in recent movie history. I personally loved it. I get sick of seeing every movie end happily. This one sure as fuck doesn't.

The Mist is a solid horror movie that is worth viewing by any horror geek. Just don't expect the words happily ever after to come to mind by the time it's done.

3/4