Two Weeks Notice

 You can pretty much guess how it goes from start to finish but IDGAF it's adorable

3/4

3 From Hell

The real 3 from Hell are the ones who decided to turn all this into a fucking sitcom. Feels more like RuPaul Zombie then Rob Zombie, his worst movie to date. 

1/4

1BR

 Why do white girls named Sara(h) have a fetish for getting themselves into some Shit?? Kind of felt like the lovechild of The Invitation and Channel Zero: Butcher's Block...minus the cannibalism...sadly. 

If you have to guess which side of the fence I'm on by that description clearly this is your first review of mine you are reading. 

3/4

68 Kill

It's like Pulp Fiction if Pulp Fiction shaved off length, went to the White Trash ball and fucked its' cousin. I adored it.

3/4

31

The characters face trauma for 12 hours but YOU are the one whose endurance feels tested by the end. 

2/4

12 Years a Slave

When I think of 12 Years a Slave, I think of fire. Everything from the screenplay, to the direction, to the tone, to the scorching performances reminds me of a flame being ignited.

12 Years a Slave is based on the depressing and horrifying true story of Solomon Northup (Chiwetel Ejiofor) a musician who is tricked into thinking he being offered a large job opportunity when really he is being sold into slavery. His journey takes him along with Patsey (Lupita Nyong'o) a slave in a similar situation of being yanked from her family as both are sold from conniving and heartless slave master to slave master until they end up falling into the hands of Edwin Epps (Michael Fassbender) and his wife (Sarah Paulson) who would make any terrorist seem generous by comparison.

Every performance in this movie is Oscar worthy. Chiwetel Ejiofor will break your heart as Northup, the amount of expression and sheer bewilderment will drag the viewer down into his journey of Hell. Ejiofor's performance is so moving and powerful a few scenes alone of the actor's facial expressions say more then many can say with a whole script. If he doesn't win the Oscar I call sheer bullshit.

Everything I said about Chiwetel can be applied to Lupita Nyong'o as Patsey as well. I can't say I've seen her in any movies before but she demonstrates a mastery of strength, heartbreak and conviction as Patsey.

Michael Fassbender and Sarah Paulson are persuasively nasty and repulsive as the least caring masters the slaves belong to. Fassbender more notably dominates his scenes with his foul resentment. Though his character Edwin Epps can easily be labeled as a monster, other scenes also are effective with showing the more caring and hidden side as well such as the scenes involving his consequences of giving attention to Patsey and his wife's sheer hatred for her due to those reasons.

I hate to label this movie as entertaining due to the cruelness, death, and despair that occur throughout but through Steve McQueen's direction this is easily one you will be holding your breath for from beginning to end. I couldn't wait to see what happened next even though at times I wish I wasn't watching this as several scenes involving whippings, rape, and hangings make me wish I wasn't watching. McQueen wasn't going for just a plain History lesson this movie, he was aspiring to hit the nail in your brain, your heart, and your eyes. It's a clear level of mastery.

And just when you're worried that 12 Years a Slave will end sappy, the movie steers clear from sap. The last scene of Solomon reuniting with his loved ones is one of the most touching and heartbreaking scenes from a movie I've seen in a while. I was almost crying like a bitch as the credits were rolling. Kudos to everyone involved. 12 Years a Slave is a masterpiece and is easily the best film of 2013 I've seen.

4/4

50/50

When it comes to what I would consider funny, cancer is certainly something I would put at the bottom of the list. It shouldn't be funny. It shouldn't be entertaining. But surprisingly enough, a movie about cancer actually manages to be entertaining and funny. 50/50 is easily one of my favorite movies of 2011.

The plot: Adam (Joseph Gordon-Levitt) finds out he has cancer one day, affecting not only his own life, but the lives of everyone around him. Including his carefree party friend Kyle (Seth Rogen), his unorthodox and free-spirited therapist Katherine (Anna Kendrick), his cheating girlfriend Rachael (Bryce Dallas Howard) and his good-hearted, but paranoid and overbearing mother Diane (Anjelica Houston).

The good: The performances here all-around the board are amazing. I dare say that this is Joseph Gordon-Levitt's best performance to date and I would say the same about Seth Rogen as well. Not one person feels like they're acting in this movie at all, it really does seem like an authentic movie about how people react when they're staring cancer straight in the face, knowing that someday it will take their last breath out of them.

50/50 also has authenticity on its' side. Most directors would probably throw in some slapstick or cheesy humor to keep the mood light, but oddly enough, 50/50 doesn't need to do that to get humor from the material. It can be quite depressing and in a matter of moments, quite hillarious as well. 50/50 uses these less than fortunate situations about cancer and disease and actually is able to get some humor out of them without having to resort to cheap humor or any bullshit like that.

50/50 actually feels quite original as well. It keep me entertained and though many movies have dealt with diseases before, I was actually entertained and eager to see how this one would play out. Will Adam live or die? Will he stay with his adulterous girlfriend or the therapist whose strong interest to keep things professional will possibly damper their relationship? 50/50 gives you the answers to these situations in a way that you almost don't see coming.

The bad: I really don't have much to say about 50/50 that's bad, but I guess the movie could have been a tad shorter. Like, maybe 10-15 minutes shorter. And it wasn't even that big of a deal really.

50/50 is one of the best movies of 2011. It's authentic, it's heartwarming, it's realisitc, the performances are wonderful and powerful, it's funny, and it will keep you entertained from beginning to end. And how many movies about cancer can you say that for?

4/4

30 Days of Night: Dark Days

Picking off right off from where the original ended, the sequel Dark Days follows Stella's life after the 30 days of terror and bloodshed that occurred in Alaska. She seems hateful of everything without a pulse or a tan but doesn't really do anything about it (excluding a scene where she fries one or two of them in her presentation to shut up those who are skeptical). Luckily for her, three people and a vampire not dedicated to killing everything in sight want to eliminate as many vampires off the earth, especially their queen; Lilith.

The negatives: One big problem I had with this was the replacement actress of Stella. Kiele Sanchez isn't necessarily a bad performer in this movie, but the whole time I was just wondering, "Fuck, where the hell was Melissa George when this movie was going down?". She's just really bland as the lead. There's nothing captivating or even that relatable about her character hin this movie. All we know about her is that she's mad about vampires killing everyone she loves and that she misses her husband Eben; who melted away in her arms in the original. Logic is also missing in action as well. Early on, Stella fries a few vampires with these really powerful lights. Yet the four people (the vampire stays home) go into Stella's hiding place with guns. Why the fuck are they not just going in their with tons of lights? Or fire? And they choose the worst times to go hunt. There's at least 2-3 scenes where they're out and about at night. Isn't that the worst time to go out? And another thing...a few scenes indicate that the vampires have psychic abilities (how else would they know where the humans are at all times?), so why didn't this whole war just...end quicker? The ending is a big downer as well. You know exactly who is going to die and in what order. So when they do die in that mentioned order you just wonder...what took so long? The ending is really disappointing and predictable. It feels so rushed and bland. There's not even a big fight scene with Lilith and Stella, it's just a quick kill that's so vaguely similar to a scene in The Descent. And the last two minutes just doesn't make any sense at all. How can you bring back a husband that disintegrated in front of you? It's as if the first movie just didn't exist.

I know it sounds like the movie is totally without merit, but there are a few positives as well. Everyone but Kiele Sanchez is pretty solid in their roles, especially Rhys Coiro and Diora Baird as two of the other vampires. Even though Mia Kirshner doesn't get many lines as the queen Lilith, she even manages to convey a sense of dread, terror, and odd sexual appeal whenever she's on screen. Also, Dark Days did manage to make some wise choices as to what worked in the original. They kept the look of the vampires the same which was easily one of the creepiest parts of the original. And the death scenes are pretty neat. Easy to say that they didn't let down in the gore category as well. And even though the story won't be winning any oscars and you've probably seen a million movies with a similar idea, Dark Days at least moves along at a fairly brisk 92 minute length, which is much appreciated considering how boring movies tend to get after they hit the triple digit length.

30 Days of Night: Dark Days isn't a masterpiece by any means. It's nothing really special or memorable compared to the millions of horror movies that are similar and even released at the exact same time. But for filler fun, it gets the job even if the odds are that you won't remember it a day later. Just don't expect a ton of logic or a strong narrative. Otherwise you will be envious of those getting the blood sucked out of them on screen.

2/4