Leatherface

Sooo fuck me and my fantasy of these Chainsaw remakes/reboots getting any better right? 0/4

A Dark Song

I just didn't give two Shits about anything going on here. The scene with the smoking man was 100/10 and if we could have stayed in that direction I could have at least gone with a 2/4. But nope, we sunk the ship further with that ending. 

1/4

Gerald's Game

 So between this and the Haunting of Hill House, it's safe to say Carla Gugino enjoys being a motivational spirit, can she be mine? Anywho, this was a bit of a mixed bag. Definitely starts off strong, if your fears of claustrophobia and hell, even wrist wrash don't kick in, bless your soul, but it kind of slowly loses steam. The scenes with the Daddy issues feel a bit hammy and on the nose, at times you're not sure if this is going for a mental health type of fear or Cujo but in a bed. Gugino gives it her all and this is one that really could have failed if not for her sheer dedication in a role where she's mainly playing off herself, but for a movie with game in the title, it doesn't play back. Irony being that for a majority of the movie, she may be shackled, but the movie lumbers along.

2/4

Super Dark Times

 The first half and the second half go together like Barbie's head on Ken's body. Should have been called super murky times.

2/4

Top Whore-Ers of the 2010's

2010
5. The Crazies
4. Insidious
3. Shutter Island
2. Let Me In
1. Black Swan

Great way to start off the decade! It's an easy choice for Black Swan, but Let Me In was beautiful and the other three were batshit nuts as well.

2011
5. Absentia
4. Final Destination 5
3. Scream 4
2. You're Next
1. The Skin I Live In

Finally I'm not choosing the popular choice! The Skin I Live In was brilliant and just gets more demented the more it unravels.

2012
5. Maniac
4. Excision
3. Sinister
2. Frankenweenie
1. Cabin in the Woods

Me putting an animated movie on just for having elements of horror should show you what I think of this year in a nutshell. It couldn't be anything but Cabin in the Woods though.

2013
5. Curse of Chucky
4. Carrie
3. Green Inferno
2. Oculus
1. The Conjuring

As much as they've played out The Conjuring/Nun/Annabelle/Daughter's Niece's sister of Annabelle franchise, The Conjuring was the perfect jump scare movie, a cinematic roller coaster that doesn't ease up.

2014
5. The Guest
4. Housebound
3. The Babadook
2. Starry Eyes
1. It Follows

Can I please just list my top 3 all as one movie? No. Okay then, It Follows wins by a hair. And HM to Zombeavers, shut up, it was hilarious.


2015
5. The Invitation
4. The Final Girls
3. The Blackoat's Daughter
2. Southbound
1. The Witch

Year of the slow burn right? I'd say everything but The Final Girls falls into that category. Despite the super natural elements, I felt that The Witch perfectly demonstrated the greatest and most prevalent form of evil that there is; fucking people.

2016
5. Split
4. Hush
3. Raw
2. Train to Busan
1. The Neon Demon

I kind of love that two of my top 5 are foreign films, and one barely includes any dialogue at all. Language diversity! You should know by now I love rabbit down the hole in the pursuit of success movies and couldn't ride with anything else but The Neon Demon.

2017
05. Anna and the Apocalypse
04. Shape of Water
03. It
02. Get Out
01. The Killing of A Sacred Deer

This was a terrific year! I'll probably expand this into a top 10 once I see a few more things on my watch list. Update on my #1! TKOASD rattled me to the bone unlike no other.

2018

5. Unsane
4. Incident in a Ghostland
3. Terrified
2. Sharp Objects
1. Hereditary

This was a pretty fair year overall, yes I am cheating by putting a mini-series @ number 2, but fuck it, watch that show and tell me it didn't fill you with more dread than just about anything that came out that year. Hereditary was a complete shit show from beginning to end (in the best way possible), and therefore gets my vote.

2019
5. The Perfection
4. Us
3. Ready or Not
2. The Lighthouse
1. Midsommar

I feel like this was the year for return masterpieces as 3 of these films were directed by directors that made recent previous lists. Tough call between my top 3 as one is one of the most fun of the decade and two are some of the most unforgettable. Midsommar grabbed me harder than any feature this year, and for that I tip my hat.

68 Kill

It's like Pulp Fiction if Pulp Fiction shaved off length, went to the White Trash ball and fucked its' cousin. I adored it.

3/4

Friend Request

           Ugh. What did we do in a past life to receive such a constant shipping of stale, uninspired horror movies? Like a good amount of media in recent times, Friend Request markets itself as movie dipped in the horrors of social media. But unfortunately, the execution here feels so half-assed and distant it's as if we're reporting on a pool of a story by sticking our toes in. Or even walking by a deadly animal in the zoo and hoping it explains why it's so deadly. The recent film "Unfriended" also had themes of evils on social media coming to bite us in the spirit form, but at least that movie gave us something to chew on in terms of the way we can treat people when we are in front of a screen and how those actions can bite back, or in this case kill back. The most fucking frightening thing that happens here in the social media scenes is being unable to delete the "antagonist" after she commits suicide due to the way the "protagonist" and her friends treat her and begins to stalk them. And I use quotes around the words protagonist and antagonist for good reason; who the fuck are we supposed to be rooting for, or even against in this movie? Are we on the side of the bland villain, contradicting olden horror movie days when we were supposed to be against the big baddie? Are we on the side of the even blander protagonist and all of her friends? Who all happen to look about 15 years too old to register as young college students. That's the issue here, there's really no perspective or insight here into the horrors of which side we are on, which makes the even more stock loud noises, bangs, and poorly visualized evil faces as the antagonist comes after the protagonist and company more of a nuisance then anything. You know what's an even more daunting part of social media than friend requests? This movie's process of searching and searching for a point to it all and having your search engine say "Sorry not found".

1/4

Lady Bird

My favorite movies are the ones that you learn something from especially if that something pertains to your own life. Lady Bird hits that nail on the head without ever coming off as disingenuous or contrived. One of my favorite scenes is one in which a supporting character states her theory that love and attention are the same which echoes throughout the tone of the film. The relationship between the title character and her mother is so genuine I imagine it difficult for anyone not to feel reminiscent of how they interacted with their parents in youth. This isn't a movie all about the grand moments of life, but the smaller ones that build up to something much more plentiful as we veer into adulthood. The performances from Saoirse Ronan and Laurie Metcalf are stellar, the film really lives or dies on their dynamic relationship of unconditional love even when it's next to impossible to include "unconditional like" in it as well. If the movie's overall message of love and attention being synonymous rings true, then Lady Bird is more than deserving of any viewer's unconditional attention.

4/4

Wish Upon

You'll never see any of the twists coming; said if those who have never seen a movie before. Nothing here feels remotely fresh and I felt like the creators let the PG-13 rating stifle its' own creativity. My wish; that Wish Upon grew a pair and escaped a formulaic screenplay. 

2/4

Top dogs *Non Horror*: 2010-2019

2010

3. Toy Story 3

2. The Social Network

1. Blue Valentine

2011

3. Drive

2. The Girl with the Dragon Tattoo

1. Moneyball

2012

3. Silver Linings Playbook/Zero Dark Thirty

2. Life of Pi

1. Django Unchained

2013

3. About Time

2. The Wolf of Wall Street

1. 12 Years A Slave

2014

3. Gone Girl

2. A Most Violent Year

1. Nightcrawler

2015

3. Room

2. Spotlight

1. Inside Out

2016

3. Arrival

2. La La Land

1. Moonlight

2017

3. Call Me by Your Name/Coco

2. Lady Bird

1. I, Tonya

2018

3. A Simple Favor

2. BlacKkKlansman

1. Eighth Grade

2019

3. Booksmart

2. Knives Out

1. Joker