Lisa Frankenstein

 

Kind of on the fence on this one. Coming out in February and not being an awful movie is quite the task, but considering Diablo Cody was involved with the writing, I expected a bit more bite and less nibble. Nothing really wrong with it but the horror and comedic aspects feel a bit defanged compared to what I was expecting. I will say though....please include Liza Soberano in more films as she pretty much walks off with this one.

2/4

Leatherface

Sooo fuck me and my fantasy of these Chainsaw remakes/reboots getting any better right? 0/4

The Lodge

You know how in Spongebob when Patrick had the idea to take Bikini Bottom and move it somewhere else? Well, can I take Riley Keough's performance and move it into a less anemic version of Hereditary?

2/4

The Lighthouse

Wow. Just wow. Horror can be a genre which, in my opinion, is that one that can be the most thought provoking of them all. It's been almost a week since I've seen this and I'm still just wondering...how? Worth a view for anyone who enjoys slow burns that know when to hit, the director once again knocks it out of the park (previous film was The Witch which as you can see, I adored) . Robert Pattinson and Willem Dafoe deserve lifetime achievement awards, and this movie has permanently fucked up my opinion on mermaids, seagulls, and anything related to the sea.

3/4 (so close to being a 4)

Lady Bird

My favorite movies are the ones that you learn something from especially if that something pertains to your own life. Lady Bird hits that nail on the head without ever coming off as disingenuous or contrived. One of my favorite scenes is one in which a supporting character states her theory that love and attention are the same which echoes throughout the tone of the film. The relationship between the title character and her mother is so genuine I imagine it difficult for anyone not to feel reminiscent of how they interacted with their parents in youth. This isn't a movie all about the grand moments of life, but the smaller ones that build up to something much more plentiful as we veer into adulthood. The performances from Saoirse Ronan and Laurie Metcalf are stellar, the film really lives or dies on their dynamic relationship of unconditional love even when it's next to impossible to include "unconditional like" in it as well. If the movie's overall message of love and attention being synonymous rings true, then Lady Bird is more than deserving of any viewer's unconditional attention.

4/4

The Lazarus Effect

This one was kind of dead on arrival. There's definitely a lot of talent in the cast, but the whole thing just feels like been there done that. If you're going to steal from the best, make it your own, but sadly this retread about bringing the dead back to life with fatal consequences just doesn't seem to have anything new to say or do in its' mind. The actors are left out to dry until they're picked off, with the exception of Olivia Wilde who is given a tad more to do and should really use this movie as a platform for beauty shots (drinking game every time the camera zooms in on her face). The group of researchers in this movie play with all of the most high tech equipment in the world but no device known to man would be able to pump life into this stale corpse.

1/4

LOL

It's a rare breed of movie; one so peculiar, contrived, and ludicrous, that I kept waiting for the characters to shed their human masks and take off into their pods.

0/4

The Lego Movie

And here I was thinking Pixar was the only company with their animated shit together. The Lego Movie is such a blast I couldn't get enough of it. The visuals are an absolute dream here. All of the colors and tiny details (even their showers are impressive) look immaculate and I would be shocked if this didn't receive a Best Animated Feature nomination next year. The music played is ridiculously catchy, all of the characterization is terribly clever (I especially enjoyed The Green Lantern isolation bit) and there's a nice little twist at the end I enjoyed as well. And to add to its' saving graces, Morgan Freeman kills it as Vitruvius, the mentor of the group. Everything is awesome.

3/4

Lone Survivor

If there is a movie whose marketing I wanna kick more then Lone Survivor's then it's simply a crime against humanity. Though Lone Survivor gets the job done, the trailer, poster, and advertisements displaying Mark Wahlberg as the "Lone Survivor" really kill a lot of the suspense as to who will make it to the end. It also makes the scenes of Wahlberg fighting alone feel weightless and stuffed. But luckily, Lone Survivor has its' heart and soul from beginning to end. And though you know exactly what will happen to his fallen comrades on the mission (Ben Foster, Emile Hirsch, and Taylor Kitsch), it doesn't make what you're watching break your heart any less.

3/4

Last Exorcism Part II

         When watching Last Exorcism Part II, I came to the conclusion that Ashley Bell is quite the talented actress. Now if she could stop appearing in movies that feel like total punishment produced by Satan himself, more people might take note of her.

What's up? Ashley Bell continues her role as Nell, a scarred individual trying to recover from the first film's haunting (*andterriblyboringcoughcough*) events. The second she begins to start heading into a normal direction for her life, making friends, getting a job, and finding a possible love interest, everything turns to shit as the demon who possessed her the first time is far from done with her.

What's good? Ashley Bell is clearly the highlight of this movie. She's one of the few who commits to her role and actually makes her character likeable and rootable. It's not even close in quality to anyone reaching her success in this movie.

One other detail I appreciated was the slight twist of an ending. To say things end less then magical is an understatement. For once a PG-13 movie doesn't take the wimpy way out and end like a fairytale.

What the fuck?  For an 88 minute movie, The Last Exorcism will make you feel trapped. There's such little going on here this feels like a commercial about the detoxification of possession as opposed to an actual movie. You're begging for something to happen and nothing does until the last 15 minutes.

To say The Last Exorcism is slow is putting it nicely, you're watching Nell throughout, seeing opportunities for frights but the film never shoots for any of them. It wimps out when it really counts and you're left wondering what could have been.

Everyone orbiting around Nell is a big issue. None of the characters are given any type of dimension or personality it's virtually impossible to give a shit about any of them and I can't even remember what any of their names were. The performances feel terribly bland overall, it's the Nell show with 0% interest given to anyone playing a side character or antagonist to her.

Overall The Last Exorcism is a ridiculously dull and unnecessary sequel with no frights, fun, or humor. A good lead performance and an ending which does spark a bit of interest can't resurrect a movie that's just bland as sin.

1/4

Life of Pi

Anyone that thinks that Life of Pi is nothing but a movie about an angry tiger and a young boy on a boat will be taken for a ride. Life of Pi is not only visual stimulation for the eyes but it's also mental stimulation for the brain and the heart. Ang Lee once again strikes gold with Life of Pi, one of the best movies of the year.

Life of Pi stars Irrfan Khan as Pi Patel, an Indian storyteller being interviewed by a writer about his immensely difficult, 227 day journey to survival after escaping a sinking boat that killed just about nearly everyone on board, minus a young Pi, a tiger, a hyena, a monkey, and an injured zebra. Survival of the fittest comes into play, as Pi and the tiger battle it out with each other and mother nature as they struggle to survive on limited safety, food, and rest.

Life of Pi's visuals are truly astounding. Every scene is breathtaking, it's such a difficult task deciding which scene is the most attractive. The tiger is easily one of the best visual creations of 2012, I would have never imagined that the tiger was anything less than real. The boat sinking scene is horrifying in its' realistic depiction. Even scenes with flying fish and other animals popping out of the water are truly astounding, taking the viewer on the ride for themselves.

Life of Pi also hits the heart as well. Pi's story isn't the the lightest story in the book and the way the movie is created makes you feel the pain the main characters do when tragedy strikes. You really feel the sting when characters pass away and it's seeming to be a rare feature in movies these days to really give a shit with who lives or dies.

Debate is easily going to be stirred over Life of Pi's controversial ending. Personally, I loved it. Life of Pi does have a conclusion but it's not nearly as black and white as the viewer would imagine. It's something that makes you question everything you had just watched. Question what Pi's journey really meant to him and how it really happened. Question what you believe in. There may be a few things that are still left up to question, but for me, Life of Pi is easily one of the most enjoyable movies of 2012, no doubt about it.

4/4

The Last House on the Left

Continuing with the recent theme of expressing brutality for no other reason then just to kill time and try to entertain people is The Last House on the Left, a disgusting, vile, hideous, pointless movie.

The story (if you can even call it that) plays out like this; Mari (played by Sara Paxton in one of the only highlights of this movie) is raped, tortured, and left for dead. And ironically enough, the criminals end up staying at her parents house for refuge from the storm. Mommy and Daddy become upset once they realize how fucked up their daughter is, and decide it's time to bring down the house.

And that's about it. The plot is so threadbare it can literally be summarized in one sentence. I bet the only reason that there was a "story" created is so that it would be plausible for harsh, unscary torture scenes to follow. The rape scene is one of the most disgusting scenes I've seen in a movie in a long time. It feels like it will never end and is just totally unnecessary and ridiculous to watch. It's not scary or even entertaining. It's just fucking vile.

Nothing scary happens in The Last House on the Left. Literally it's just people being tortured and killed for the entire movie (which feels like it will never end). I felt like there was an interesting idea here with the parents. Since they are bringing pain onto the criminals, are they any better? Is revenge justfication for brutality? But nope, fuck that shit. Let's just throw in some more torture porn because God knows we don't have enough of that.

The Last House on the Left is a sadistic, unenjoyable piece of trash. There's no humor and no real frights here. Just nasty bullshit trying to convince you that it's scary and entertaining. Fail on both parts.

0/4

The Lovely Bones



The Lovely Bones is easily one of my biggest disappointments of 2009. The acting is great and the visuals and cinematography are beautiful. And unfortunately, that's where the praise runs out for me.

First off, one of my biggest problems was the narration. The main character lays it on so thick that it almost takes away from the gravity of her situation. Seriously, everything she says issssss likeeeeeee soooooooo slowwwwww forrrrr emphaassssiisssss. It gets old quickly.

I also had problems with the way in which all the characters dealt with the murder. Susie's parents act in the total clichéd way, and the movie never really shows us the authentic grief that parents who just lost a child would feel. Susan Sarandon shows up in the middle for some really awkward attempts at humor. And about 5 minutes after Susie is murdered and dismembered, she's off dancing and Vogue-ing in the in between world with this other dead chick. Yeah, cause that's plausible.

Another thing that kind of bugged me was the motivation of the killer. You never really understand why he is doing what is he doing. All of his scenes just feel so...lame. There's no element of surprise or mystery, all of his scenes seem like something you would see off of a version of Susie's story on the Lifetime channel.

Overall, The Lovely Bones just doesn't measure up to the awesome performances. It's too long, too nonsensical, and too silly to really be able to fully express Susie's story to the best way. The problem is that real emotion isn't displayed on screen, but someone's performance of emotion. It's just..fake all-around.

1/4