They Look Like People

A close friend once pondered if a movie could inspire the viewer to have a mental disorder and Goddamn if this one doesn't take that cake. Reminded me of a baby Frailty. Great chemistry between the leads and chilling throughout even if the ending is a little 🤔

3/4

Tales of Halloween

So it's clear what movie we were shooting for, but too many "Tales" end up making this feel like a trick more than a treat 

2/4 

 

The Blackcoat's Daughter

 

Let me tell you all the Shit I hated about this movie;

1. That I fell asleep the first time I tried to watch it.

2. That it is impossible to be nearly as perfect as Lucy Boynton is here no matter how many times I write Santa.

3. That more accolades aren't given to Kiernan off this performance, she's bone chilling here. 

3/4

Top Whore-Ers of the 2010's

2010
5. The Crazies
4. Insidious
3. Shutter Island
2. Let Me In
1. Black Swan

Great way to start off the decade! It's an easy choice for Black Swan, but Let Me In was beautiful and the other three were batshit nuts as well.

2011
5. Absentia
4. Final Destination 5
3. Scream 4
2. You're Next
1. The Skin I Live In

Finally I'm not choosing the popular choice! The Skin I Live In was brilliant and just gets more demented the more it unravels.

2012
5. Maniac
4. Excision
3. Sinister
2. Frankenweenie
1. Cabin in the Woods

Me putting an animated movie on just for having elements of horror should show you what I think of this year in a nutshell. It couldn't be anything but Cabin in the Woods though.

2013
5. Curse of Chucky
4. Carrie
3. Green Inferno
2. Oculus
1. The Conjuring

As much as they've played out The Conjuring/Nun/Annabelle/Daughter's Niece's sister of Annabelle franchise, The Conjuring was the perfect jump scare movie, a cinematic roller coaster that doesn't ease up.

2014
5. The Guest
4. Housebound
3. The Babadook
2. Starry Eyes
1. It Follows

Can I please just list my top 3 all as one movie? No. Okay then, It Follows wins by a hair. And HM to Zombeavers, shut up, it was hilarious.


2015
5. The Invitation
4. The Final Girls
3. The Blackoat's Daughter
2. Southbound
1. The Witch

Year of the slow burn right? I'd say everything but The Final Girls falls into that category. Despite the super natural elements, I felt that The Witch perfectly demonstrated the greatest and most prevalent form of evil that there is; fucking people.

2016
5. Split
4. Hush
3. Raw
2. Train to Busan
1. The Neon Demon

I kind of love that two of my top 5 are foreign films, and one barely includes any dialogue at all. Language diversity! You should know by now I love rabbit down the hole in the pursuit of success movies and couldn't ride with anything else but The Neon Demon.

2017
05. Anna and the Apocalypse
04. Shape of Water
03. It
02. Get Out
01. The Killing of A Sacred Deer

This was a terrific year! I'll probably expand this into a top 10 once I see a few more things on my watch list. Update on my #1! TKOASD rattled me to the bone unlike no other.

2018

5. Unsane
4. Incident in a Ghostland
3. Terrified
2. Sharp Objects
1. Hereditary

This was a pretty fair year overall, yes I am cheating by putting a mini-series @ number 2, but fuck it, watch that show and tell me it didn't fill you with more dread than just about anything that came out that year. Hereditary was a complete shit show from beginning to end (in the best way possible), and therefore gets my vote.

2019
5. The Perfection
4. Us
3. Ready or Not
2. The Lighthouse
1. Midsommar

I feel like this was the year for return masterpieces as 3 of these films were directed by directors that made recent previous lists. Tough call between my top 3 as one is one of the most fun of the decade and two are some of the most unforgettable. Midsommar grabbed me harder than any feature this year, and for that I tip my hat.

Most Likely to Die

You know what is most likely to die? Any interest in this movie after 5 minutes.

0/4

Krampus

Krampus teases towards the naughty and nice list but fails by never committing to either list.

2/4

Everest

How can you warm up to a movie with characters as frosty and interchangeable as the mountain they are climbing?

2/4

The Revenant

Beautiful with flawless performances, but a little trimming wouldn't  have hurt, and that was not a comment on Dicaprio's beard.

3/4

The Visit

It tries to be a blend of horror and comedy but it comes off as senile as the antagonists.

1/4

Unfriended

This was one I was not looking forward to at all since rarely does a found footage movie with unknown actors succeed. This however, was pleasant surprise. When I first read that the whole movie would consist of the characters on Skype it seemed like a desperate ploy to be different. Surprisingly enough, this is one of the movie's strengths as I can't see it succeeding as well as it did without the viral environment. Due to the movie taking place fully over the internet, it provides a claustrophobic, almost cave-like atmosphere adding a layer of menace considering you can't see what's fully going on until it's too late. Even though I doubt anything like this will ever occur over the internet anytime soon, I loved how this movie emphasized the evils of the internet and how easy it is for a good person to be something completely different when not face to face with the person they are tormenting. Even though the movie does feature a few bloody scenes, the tension mainly relies on internal menace. What will you do to stay alive? Even if someone is your friend, does that matter when you are in the face of danger? Unfriended realizes that sometimes the deadliest threat comes in the form of a close friend, not just a deadly, pissed off spirit hellbent on the emotional trauma that she received through social media.

3/4

The Gallows

Yeah, no. I'm just not sure who this movie was intended for, certainly wasn't me. Completely obnoxious, needing to die characters, awful script, unnecessary, handheld camera shooting that just made me even more nauseated then I already was. Add in a last minute, "BOO" ending and you have a movie that literally tied its' own noose to die.

1/4

The Final Girls

This one took me by surprise. The term "Jack of all trades" seems to used with mild distain but for a movie to achieve success in several different genres I think it something to be admired. What I love most about this movie is underneath all the killings & 80's comedy schtick is that this really is the story of a daughter getting over the loss of her mother. And it's great, Taissa Farmiga & Malin Akerman have such a natural chemistry it's heartbreaking when you realize the direction the movie is going in. And it's rare that a movie's two best scenes both involve strip teases for two very different reasons (seriously if your eyes aren't watery by the second one, you're a monster). Easily one of the most underrated horror movies of the year.

3/4

Zombeavers

This Shit was absolutely ridiculous, ludicrous, and I'm pretty sure that I lost a few brain cells watching it. And I have absolutely no shame in admitting it's easily one of the most fun movies so far this year. Not much else to say.

3/4

The Green Inferno

    Eli Roth is definitely one of the most controversial directors out there right now. With him, you know exactly what you're in for; nasty, unlikable characters meeting their ends in even nastier, more unlikable ways. You definitely can't accuse him of backing down something I appreciate in a horror movie. And this one is fucking nuts. These environmental activists travel to the Amazon to save the jungle and the natives take them as being the very villains that they are currently fighting against. There's a cannibal/dismemberment scene early on that's easily one of the most gruesome of the decade, it definitely sets the tone early on, making the viewer feel very uncomfortable and disturbed. It's almost a relief later on when the dark comic relief sets in; such as the natives getting high followed by a severe case of the munchies. All of this Shit is so insane you have to see it to believe it. The lead girl; Lorenza Izzo is great as well and it wouldn't shock me if Eli Roth ends up using her in future projects. Definitely a tough but recommended horror entry to swallow.

3/4

Jurassic World

Mehh. I had high hopes for this one. As expected, everything on a technical level is undeniable. The effects are stellar, the creatures couldn't look better, even the details in the park itself are immaculate. The problem is everything else feels as primitive as the dinosaurs themselves. None of the characters are fascinating or worth caring about at all, Bryce Dallas Howard's character is the cliche stiff and Chris Pratt is playing his Guardians of the Galaxy character except with ludicrous dialogue this time. The child actors are terrible and could have been devoured at any moments, and there's too much stuffing with the subplots going on (the stereotypical romance/strained family relationships). In terms of the look it's fleek but on a personal level it reeks.

2/4

The Lazarus Effect

This one was kind of dead on arrival. There's definitely a lot of talent in the cast, but the whole thing just feels like been there done that. If you're going to steal from the best, make it your own, but sadly this retread about bringing the dead back to life with fatal consequences just doesn't seem to have anything new to say or do in its' mind. The actors are left out to dry until they're picked off, with the exception of Olivia Wilde who is given a tad more to do and should really use this movie as a platform for beauty shots (drinking game every time the camera zooms in on her face). The group of researchers in this movie play with all of the most high tech equipment in the world but no device known to man would be able to pump life into this stale corpse.

1/4

The Gift

This one really caught me by surprise. It's great and what I love about is how the whole time you feel so uneasy watching it without a drop of bloodshed. There's such a great dynamic between the three leads that they're able to keep the tension going from beginning to end. Joel Edgerton plays this loner who reunites with someone he went to high school with. As in all movies, he oversteps his boundaries and when they tell him to leave them alone, he doesn't leave with dignity. After he's gone, he exposes a lot of truth about the husband (Jason Bateman) to his wife (Rebecca Hall) that she might have been better off without knowing. There's a definite twist at the end that's no so much as preposterous so much as something that makes you go back and rethink everything that's happened. It's a great thriller and definitely one of the more underrated movies of the Summer.

3/4

Sinister 2

No. No. No. One of the reasons why people tear sequels a new asshole is because not only do many feel like weak attempts at making bank, but they take all of the guidelines from the original and completely destroy them. One of the creepiest elements from the original was that this unknown figure named Bughuul was controlling these children and making them kill their families on tape. This one not only goes against that by making Bughuul appear every 2 seconds, it suggests the children are making new children kill their families. The whole thing just feels desperate and lazy as nothing ever comes across as inventive or remotely scary. Even the tapes feel phoned in, instead of getting stellar ones such as the family hanging or being run over by the lawn mower, we get killed by Snow, rats, and a fucking alligator? There's something Sinister going on here but it started and stopped with whoever released the script for this.

1/4

The Boy Next Door

You can take the boy from next door but you can't take the lack of originality or suspense from the movie.

1/4

Ex Machina

Though the central character is robotic, nothing about this fascinating and unsettling movie feels stiff or artificial. 

4/4