Resolution

Resolution...get one 1/4

Black Rock

Just like Deliverance!.....excluding the first seven letters.

1/4

Excision

Aka Lizzie McGuire's worst day ever. Really involving from beginning to end and that end is a kick to the every reproductive organ you can find.

3/4 

Top Whore-Ers of the 2010's

2010
5. The Crazies
4. Insidious
3. Shutter Island
2. Let Me In
1. Black Swan

Great way to start off the decade! It's an easy choice for Black Swan, but Let Me In was beautiful and the other three were batshit nuts as well.

2011
5. Absentia
4. Final Destination 5
3. Scream 4
2. You're Next
1. The Skin I Live In

Finally I'm not choosing the popular choice! The Skin I Live In was brilliant and just gets more demented the more it unravels.

2012
5. Maniac
4. Excision
3. Sinister
2. Frankenweenie
1. Cabin in the Woods

Me putting an animated movie on just for having elements of horror should show you what I think of this year in a nutshell. It couldn't be anything but Cabin in the Woods though.

2013
5. Curse of Chucky
4. Carrie
3. Green Inferno
2. Oculus
1. The Conjuring

As much as they've played out The Conjuring/Nun/Annabelle/Daughter's Niece's sister of Annabelle franchise, The Conjuring was the perfect jump scare movie, a cinematic roller coaster that doesn't ease up.

2014
5. The Guest
4. Housebound
3. The Babadook
2. Starry Eyes
1. It Follows

Can I please just list my top 3 all as one movie? No. Okay then, It Follows wins by a hair. And HM to Zombeavers, shut up, it was hilarious.


2015
5. The Invitation
4. The Final Girls
3. The Blackoat's Daughter
2. Southbound
1. The Witch

Year of the slow burn right? I'd say everything but The Final Girls falls into that category. Despite the super natural elements, I felt that The Witch perfectly demonstrated the greatest and most prevalent form of evil that there is; fucking people.

2016
5. Split
4. Hush
3. Raw
2. Train to Busan
1. The Neon Demon

I kind of love that two of my top 5 are foreign films, and one barely includes any dialogue at all. Language diversity! You should know by now I love rabbit down the hole in the pursuit of success movies and couldn't ride with anything else but The Neon Demon.

2017
05. Anna and the Apocalypse
04. Shape of Water
03. It
02. Get Out
01. The Killing of A Sacred Deer

This was a terrific year! I'll probably expand this into a top 10 once I see a few more things on my watch list. Update on my #1! TKOASD rattled me to the bone unlike no other.

2018

5. Unsane
4. Incident in a Ghostland
3. Terrified
2. Sharp Objects
1. Hereditary

This was a pretty fair year overall, yes I am cheating by putting a mini-series @ number 2, but fuck it, watch that show and tell me it didn't fill you with more dread than just about anything that came out that year. Hereditary was a complete shit show from beginning to end (in the best way possible), and therefore gets my vote.

2019
5. The Perfection
4. Us
3. Ready or Not
2. The Lighthouse
1. Midsommar

I feel like this was the year for return masterpieces as 3 of these films were directed by directors that made recent previous lists. Tough call between my top 3 as one is one of the most fun of the decade and two are some of the most unforgettable. Midsommar grabbed me harder than any feature this year, and for that I tip my hat.

For a Good Time, Call...

At times, it's as messy as the phone sex line, but the lead actresses' natural charm makes it an overall sticky sweet affair.

3/4

Top dogs *Non Horror*: 2010-2019

2010

3. Toy Story 3

2. The Social Network

1. Blue Valentine

2011

3. Drive

2. The Girl with the Dragon Tattoo

1. Moneyball

2012

3. Silver Linings Playbook/Zero Dark Thirty

2. Life of Pi

1. Django Unchained

2013

3. About Time

2. The Wolf of Wall Street

1. 12 Years A Slave

2014

3. Gone Girl

2. A Most Violent Year

1. Nightcrawler

2015

3. Room

2. Spotlight

1. Inside Out

2016

3. Arrival

2. La La Land

1. Moonlight

2017

3. Call Me by Your Name/Coco

2. Lady Bird

1. I, Tonya

2018

3. A Simple Favor

2. BlacKkKlansman

1. Eighth Grade

2019

3. Booksmart

2. Knives Out

1. Joker

The Dark Knight Rises

There's definitely tons of va va va voom here and the newcomers more then hold their own, but unfortunately there is too many of them, too many subplots, and too many flashbacks. It needed to be a miniseries as opposed to a feature length film.

2/4

LOL

It's a rare breed of movie; one so peculiar, contrived, and ludicrous, that I kept waiting for the characters to shed their human masks and take off into their pods.

0/4

The Master

What an absolute mindfuck. A movie like The Master rarely comes along. I was reading a short article that mentions, "The movies that are the most entertaining are the ones with ideas that you entertain" or something along those lines and that made me think of this movie. Weeks later I still can't stop thinking about it.

The Master is such an absorbing spectacle it's really impossible to get it out of your head. The performances from the talented trio are pitch perfect. Joaquin Phoenix's character is Freddy, a veteran suffering from PTSD, alcoholism and a strange addiction to drinking poisonous alcohol, and having agressive sexual thoughts towards any female with a pulse.

He's out of control. That is, until he comes across a cult-like group who believes in The Cause. The enticing leader is Lancaster Dodd (Philip Seymour Hoffman), a man who becomes a father figure to Freddy and is willing to guide him amongst the others to relieve his traumatic life experiences in order to push past them towards a better future. Lancaster's wife Peggy (Amy Adams) is less welcoming then her husband, as she knows the unstability and recklessness of this stranger that they have just welcomed in.

Joaquin Phoenix is a force of nature as Freddy. He's such a primitive character with all of his grunts and violent behaviors, but despite this characterization, he feels oddly sympathetic as well, like a lost animal that just doesn't know any better.

Philip Seymour Hoffman brings many layers and a ton of depth to his character who may or may not be full of Shit. Which doesn't really matter. You're so drawn to how convincing and fascinating Hoffman's performance is that you would sign up for whatever he sold you.

Though she definitely isn't as used as much as I would have liked her to have been, Amy Adams nails every single one of her scenes. She gives such a power and strength to Peggy you would swear she is The Master. Her scenes with Hoffman most notably one of her early scenes after a doubter of The Cause verbally challenges the group and a later scene regarding Freddy are easily some of the most unforgettable of the movie.

Another thing I loved about The Master was that there are no easy answers. I thought about the final scenes and drew about 5 different conclusions as to what The Master really resolves to and though there's scenes that make me believe each could be true, you never really know the true Black & White answer.

With it's powerful punch of stellar performances, intriguing and multi-layered characters and a plot that will leave you thinking and really evaluating the meaning behind Anderson's masterful direction, The Master is a masterpiece, pun intended.

4/4

Stitches

It's odd; Stitches is an absolutely terrible movie from beginning to end, there's never a moment where the movie aspires to be anything higher then garbage. But, oddly enough, that's the only saving grace that it has going on, its' shittastic quality actually redeems it from being a total fail in my book. But in order to not seem completely mental for not despising a movie for being garbage, let me explain.

Ross Noble stars as the lead character, a bitter and miserable clown reduced to performing at children's birthday parties. After a particularly unpleasant encounter with a group of nasty children, Stitches is accidentally killed, and 6 years later (why 6 years is the magical amount of time, I really have no idea), he returns to get revenge on the kids who caused his death.

Stitches' overall performances and characterization are laughable. Every performance is completely bland and it's impossible to give a shit about any of these routine and bland characterizations they are given. I couldn't even remember any of these people's names nor did I really give a shit. But, to Stitches' credit, Ross Noble's performance is so ridiculously OTT he occasionally makes this crap worth it. If you're going to go down in a sinking ship, why not have a little fun with it?

The same could be applied to Stitches' attitude towards genuine suspense. There isn't anything remotely scary or suspenseful in Stitches, there's not one moment you don't see coming nor is there any tension. The pacing was clearly made for those who can't wait one goddamn second for something to splatter everywhere. BUT! I will admit that once in a while it goes so far out into outer space that you have to just admire it in a bizzare, fucked up way. Characters' heads are blown up like balloons, brains are harvested, people are managing to run around with their intestines hanging out. Gets points for being a guilty pleasure...at times.

Overall, Stitches is a mess. It isn't scary, the plot's paper thin, the performances are lame and the whole time you're anticipating the end. But, like the feeling after inhaling a ton of candy, you'll have a brief moment of feeling good about the decision you made, even though the end result will overall make you wanna vomit it all up. Stitches is sweet nausea.

1/4

The Possession

      Just because the rating limits the amount of gore that can be shown, that doesn't mean you should also limit the amount of fun and thrills that should be shown as well. Generic and bland PG-13 horror movies are a dime a dozen and The Possession is here to keep the chain going.

Jeffrey Dean Morgan and Kyra Sedgwick star as Clyde and Stephanie, the divorced parents of two children, one of which is given a magic box from a yard sale that contains a demon that possesses her. No I'm not kidding, demons are now coming out of music boxes. What the fuck?

The Possession fails on many levels, it's impossible to really decipher what was the biggest flaw. I would pinpoint one of them on the lack of tension. There's never any source of thrills here. All of the characters are paper thin, you don't really give a shit about anyone, and even when the daughter is possessed, the most frightening thing she does is chill in her room filled with moths or eat raw meat off the ground. Damn, these demons must be getting lazy.

The special effects feel terribly cheapened as well. The aforementioned scenes with the moths are quite well done, but everything else feels like a cheap video game and there's really a problem when a movie places effects in place to replace thrills.

For a 90 minute movie, The Possession feels like it will last until you're in Hell. It takes forever to get going, after it reaches a climax you feel like nothing has happened and the ending feels terribly unsatisfactory and what's even more terrifying; it leads a possibility for a part 2. Let's hope the box picked up in the next story is filled with a reason for existing, something terribly missing from this nightmare.

0/4

Django Unchained

Think a movie about slavery is impossible to have fun watching? Check your thinking. Django Unchained is bloody, talky, hillarious, bizzare, long as fuck and completely fun to watch. Quentin Tarantino took another blast from the past and made it his own masterpiece (see Inglourious Basterds for further proof). He's the shit.

Django Unchained stars Jamie Foxx as Django, an angry slave hellbent on getting revenge on those who abused and sold his wife Broomhilda (Kerry Washington). He soon gets an opportunity to get some bloody satisfaction when he meets Dr. King Schulz (Christopher Waltz), a doctor turned bounty hunter who is out for blood. Their journey leads them all over the United States, ending with the two venturing into Candyland to save Broomhilda from her master; Calvin Candie (Leonardo DiCaprio) and his loyal house slave; Stephen (Samuel L. Jackson).

If Django were a drink, it would be the lovechild of a Monster, Rockstar, and Full Throttle. There's so much energy on screen you would swear it could explode. Django Unchained is such a party you would swear you were watching a movie about a lighthearted subject as opposed to slaves getting beaten and sold across the country. Tarantino's trademark is taking dark, somber subjects and adding a spin on them that makes them fun for the audience. This is the history lesson you wish they would have had you learn about in school.

For being 165 minutes long, Django flies like a plane. With all the talking, repeating, and possible opportunities for endings that aren't taken, Django never overstays its' welcome. The movie could have been an hour longer and I wouldn't have cared.

It doesn't hurt that all of the actors are in on the fun. Even in the least humorous situations in the movie, you can tell everyone is having a blast. Foxx gives his role a badass, yet likeable quality that makes you root for him. Christopher Waltz displays why he won that Oscar fair and square, his character deserves a movie of his own; his performance and characterization are full of life. DiCaprio nails his part as well, going from charming, to menacing, to charming, to asshole all in one movie, delivering the goods with every part of Calvin Candie. Candie is easily one of my favorite villian's of 2012; he's one you love to hate to love. Samuel L. Jackson is hillarious also. Like DiCaprio, there's nothing likeable about his character but the actor behind him gives it so much heart and flavor you wanna like him.

Comedic lovers and gorehounds can all bond with Django; it brings both. Scenes with the bagheads and some of the later murders are gutbustingly funny. To speak about them would ruin the fun. Only in a Quentin Tarantino movie would someone stop the killing just to deliver some offcore, bizzare humor and nail it. Django is bloody as fuck also and I loved every minute of it. Even though the main characters are chained, nothing about Django Unchained feels restricted or confined. It's an outrageous blast.

4/4

The Impossible

A movie about tragedy clearly has to be tragic, but why the overkill? The Impossible takes the level of maudlin and melancholy and cranks it to a level where you feel like your eyes and ears will either bleed or cry. After a strong start, The Impossible sinks and ultimately just ends up as silly and overworked.

The Impossible does have strengths though, definitely present in the stellar performances. Naomi Watts is groundbreaking as Maria, the non-practicing doctor turned heroine who will stop at nothing to protect her family. Ewan McGregor also shines as her husband Henry. Though he isn't given as much material to work with, when he is on screen his portrayal will demand your attention. All of the children, most notably Tom Holland as Lucas (whose name you will hear 10,000 times) deliver the goods as well. The scenes with Maria and Lucas (especially when disaster first strikes) are easily the some of the most powerful and effective scenes in the movie.

And speaking of powerful, when it comes to disaster movies, a lot of visual importance is placed on the big destruction scene. The Impossible's first wash of carnage is breathtaking. Amazing scenery, perfectly shot, frighteningly authentic and truly scary. Everything about this scene feels realistic and shines when it comes to putting the viewer into the scenes of the carnage.

And sadly, after this stunningly devastating scene, The Impossible begins to downgrade. After the carnage, The Impossible begins to drag like a corpse. There really isn't much material to work with and I felt like The Impossible ran in circles of what to fill up the screen with, leaving a lot of the last half of the movie feeling quite tedious and unneeded to further the story.

Sappyness begins to strike also. It almost feels like The Impossible is begging for your sadness, it's like a 2 hour ASPCA commercial for your humans, shoving tragedy in your face won't register as true emotion but overkill. There's too many coincidences, forced dramatic scenes and repeated material towards the last half, causing very little enjoyment to be had by the time the credits roll. The visuals & Naomi Watts' performance are on fire, but sadly that is negated by everything else coming off as completely soggy.

2/4

ParaNorman

It's rare that a movie gets stronger as more time passes, but ParaNorman actually manages to kick some ass by the end of it. Paranorman is about a little boy named Norman who can speak to the dead, including his deceased Grandmother who never seems to want to leave. He's labeled as a freak due to this unusual gift, but has to learn how to use it in order to stop a deceased witch from summoning the dead and placing a curse on the entire town.

ParaNorman's animation is very captivating. There's something very gothic & Tim Burton inspired about the style, but there's also something very original about the way it looks as well. In addition to being beautiful, ParaNorman also manages to bring some genuine humor into the movie as well, with some unexpected comedy you rarely get in animated, family films.

Even though it's meant for kids, ParaNorman actually shoots for the grown-ups as well with its' tone. Themes of death, loneliness, revenge, and hatred are present as well. It's rare that a children's movie touches on themes such as these, but ParaNorman actually keeps a beating heart into the material focused on all that is dead.

3/4

Life of Pi

Anyone that thinks that Life of Pi is nothing but a movie about an angry tiger and a young boy on a boat will be taken for a ride. Life of Pi is not only visual stimulation for the eyes but it's also mental stimulation for the brain and the heart. Ang Lee once again strikes gold with Life of Pi, one of the best movies of the year.

Life of Pi stars Irrfan Khan as Pi Patel, an Indian storyteller being interviewed by a writer about his immensely difficult, 227 day journey to survival after escaping a sinking boat that killed just about nearly everyone on board, minus a young Pi, a tiger, a hyena, a monkey, and an injured zebra. Survival of the fittest comes into play, as Pi and the tiger battle it out with each other and mother nature as they struggle to survive on limited safety, food, and rest.

Life of Pi's visuals are truly astounding. Every scene is breathtaking, it's such a difficult task deciding which scene is the most attractive. The tiger is easily one of the best visual creations of 2012, I would have never imagined that the tiger was anything less than real. The boat sinking scene is horrifying in its' realistic depiction. Even scenes with flying fish and other animals popping out of the water are truly astounding, taking the viewer on the ride for themselves.

Life of Pi also hits the heart as well. Pi's story isn't the the lightest story in the book and the way the movie is created makes you feel the pain the main characters do when tragedy strikes. You really feel the sting when characters pass away and it's seeming to be a rare feature in movies these days to really give a shit with who lives or dies.

Debate is easily going to be stirred over Life of Pi's controversial ending. Personally, I loved it. Life of Pi does have a conclusion but it's not nearly as black and white as the viewer would imagine. It's something that makes you question everything you had just watched. Question what Pi's journey really meant to him and how it really happened. Question what you believe in. There may be a few things that are still left up to question, but for me, Life of Pi is easily one of the most enjoyable movies of 2012, no doubt about it.

4/4

End of Watch

        Being a cop is easily one of the most wild and unpredictable jobs out there. Every second is a question over whether or not you will leave to see the next day, who you can trust, and is there any good in sight? Such a turbulent ride, so why is it that End of Watch feels so by the numbers??

Luckily though, End of Watch is certainly far from being without merit. The two leads' chemistry is easily the strongest attribute of the film. Jake Gyllenhaal and Michael Pena shine as the lead cops. Their scenes of just regular conversation were easily some of my favorite parts of the movie. Nothing feels acted or contrived at all. Very natural and both actors play their role with charm when they're not beating the shit out of someone else.

End of Watch definitely has a genuine feel that definitely works in its' advantage. Even excluding the leads' chemistry, nothing in End of Watch feels staged or acted out. All of the performances exude a realism that's rarely depicted in many action movies these days where you're just watching caricatures of human beings blowing each other to pieces. Even the way the movie is shot feels 100% authentic, you would swear you're watching the world's longest episode of Cops at times.

Unfortunately though, End of Watch is a movie where you see most of the twists coming a mile away. It's not difficult to see that things won't end in the best of light, which is another way the movie depicts the life of an average cop; there isn't always a light at the end of the tunnel, for everyone that is.

End of Watch shines when it comes to the realism that cops face on the average day. The leads clearly gave it their all yet never come across as trying to give it their all. It's just a shame that the movie puts you in the position of one of the antagonists in this movie, always running one step ahead of the cops.

3/4



Hitchcock

   When I first heard of this movie, I imagined a good core of it would be based on the actual making of "Psycho", and the rest would be dedicated to Hitchcock's marriage, wandering eye, obsession with anything in a dress, etc. Sadly I was mistaken, as these details murdered the other ones in terms of what occupied the most time on screen.

Anthony Hopkins plays the title character, as he's striving to reach his next big hit, something different and fresh that will get people surprised in his work again. With his loyal wife Alma (Helen Mirren) by his side, Hitchcock strives to make Psycho, despite the several issues with the MPAA, the graphic content used in the film (most notably the shower scene and a risqué shot of a toilet...no I'm not kidding), and the issue of a wandering eye, with Hitchcock keeping a good look on his costars just a little too often, and his wife Alma involving herself in a relationship with a "friend" who wants to be more than friends.

Hitchcock's costumes and visuals deserve and some Academy recognition. Every scene is shot perfectly. The atmosphere is stunning, the looks of the characters really make you feel like you're watching an entirely different decade all together, and I loved the set pieces involved in the making of Psycho.

The performances are also impressive. Anthony Hopkins nails the obsession and determination that drove Hitchcock to this sheer greatness. Helen Mirren holds her own as well, as the wife with the bubbling resentment that eventually bubbles over in a perfectly delivered speech. Scarlett Johansson also gives a noteworthy performance as Psycho's lead actress, her performance is full of charm and radiance.

Sadly though, Hitchcock drags at times. Clearly the marriage between Hitchcock and Alma had issues, but I felt the film felt way too much time repeating these conflicts and arguments the two had. I would have much rather preferred watching more time in the movie being invested to the making of the movie that made Hitchcock the cinematic pimp he was known to be. Hitchcock needed to summon a bit more of the same attitude as Norman Bates but sadly the movie never delivers the crazy that you would want it to.

3/4

Zero Dark Thirty

Think war and terrorism movies are stale and dull? Get back. Zero Dark Thirty will take you on a rollercoaster from beginning to end.

Zero Dark Thirty stars Jessica Chastain as Maya, a CIA operative who gets her first big task on the job; finding Osama Bin Laden. Her journey lasts 10 years as the mystery of where Osama Bin Laden is cracked.

Jessica Chastain is a powerhouse as Maya, a woman who eats, sleeps, and breathes Bin Laden. Her character is perfectly written, displaying a tremendous sense of power, determination and unavoidable frustration due to all the dead ends their journey leads them on. Chastain nails all sides of Maya, you never lose interest watching her transform on screen from a beautiful actress to a one-woman army.

Jessica Chastain is a powerhouse as Maya, a woman who eats, sleeps, and breathes Bin Laden. Her character is perfectly written, displaying a tremendous sense of power, determination and unavoidable frustration due to all the dead ends their journey leads them on. Chastain nails all sides of Maya, you never lose interest watching her transform on screen from a beautiful actress to a one-woman army.

Zero Dark Thirty is far from a horror movie, but the terror will register far more than most horror movies will even come close to achieving. Every scene, from the initial torture sequences, to the investigations with Bin Laden's contacts, to the last thirty minutes where Bin Laden is found and killed, Zero Dark Thirty will take your breath away.

In addition to shaking you up, Zero Dark Thirty will break your heart as well. As expected, not everyone will survive through the end of the search, and the excellent characterization succeeds in hitting home whenever a character is murdered. You really feel the sting of their losses. Zero Dark Thirty is located in several different countries but all the pain, terror, heartache, relief, and determination will hit home with everyone. Zero Dark Thirty is a knock-out and is one that will resonate for many years to come.

4/4

Wreck-It Ralph

             

                

                It’s no secret that I’m a huge Pixar buff, and they have yet to disappoint me, delivering Wreck-It Ralph, a solid, humorous, and beautiful movie. Seriously, the animation is stellar and might be Pixar’s most attractive film to date. There isn’t a color that isn’t used throughout.

                Wreck-It Ralph (John C. Reilly) is a villain in one of the arcade’s most popular video games.  However, he’s sick of being the villain and treated like the game’s leper by the rest involved and wants to be something more. He soon ventures out of his game to track down a gold medal in the hopes of everyone looking at him as something more than the menace of the block. His journey soon leads him into a very Candyland inspired videogame where he meets Vanellope (Sarah Silverman), a glitch in her own video game that just wants some recognition of her own.

                Wreck-It Ralph is like an animated yearbook for fans of videogames. One of the joys is just searching for all of the games/hints of games throughout. Candyland, Mario Kart, Sonic, Pacman, Street Fighter, Donkey Kong, so many are referenced and hinted at, it’s impossible to find a game that isn’t somewhat brought up in Wreck-It Ralph. I appreciated how different the video games were from each other as well, each game felt very distinct from the next, displaying the versatility in the looks of the games.

                I appreciated the numerous types of humor used in Wreck-It Ralph as well. There are the little winks and nudges at many games mentioned previously, but there’s also some wit for the older viewers and some humor intended for the younger viewers as well, courtesy of Sarah Silverman’s stellar and sarcasm filled personality being displayed through Vanellope. It’s a true testament of comedy in animated films when you’re not picturing what these actors look like in real life; you imagine them as their characters.

                As always, Disney films managed to sneak in a slightly hidden message/problem in addition to a live one. Though there is a villain in this film, there’s also a more internal conflict of self-acceptance and happiness with who you are, Wreck-It Ralph hits the heart without hitting the sappy shit. Wreck-It Ralph’s entire length is through a videogame yet the movie never feels artificial or phoned in, Wreck-It Ralph is the real deal.

4/4

The Collection

I am convinced that we will be watching Saw/movies reminiscient of Saw until death. In addition to being completely unnecessary and repetitive, they also manage to be quite terrible. The Collection stands strong in its' awful quality, not even reaching one solid moment from beginning to end.

The main victim in The Collection is Elena (Emma Fitzpatrick) a rich girl who is kidnapped after a night of watching everyone at the party she's attending get ripped to pieces (the scene's highlight, if there is one). Elena's father hires people to help find her, including the only survivor of the original. They follow Elena along the hotel, falling into all of the collector's traps. And that's about it in terms of plot.

The Collection appears to have been created on a budget of $5 excluding what had to have been distributed to the cast. The special effects are extremely cheap and transparent. They're obnoxious and in your face, plus the ridiculous music video styled direction doesn't help. Half of the time you can't even tell what the fuck is going on.

All hopes of getting a coherent story all go to Hell also. There's absolutely nothing going on here but tedious killings. Half of these characters don't even get a name or a plausible reason for existing before being hacked up by the collector or his toys. It's a shame that a movie featuring such a crafty and intelligent antagonist can feel like such a dumb journey into movie Hell.

0/4