ATM

Some movies have such little thought put into the final product that they make you wonder if you're not just seeing a series of bloopers strung together. That is the case in ATM, a tedious, poorly acted, written, and directed horror movie that's about as scary as well actually going to an ATM. Basic plot is that three coworkers (the most notable being Josh from "Drake and Josh") get stuck in ANTM by a hooded figure that bashes anyone's brains out that gets in his way. They can't get out and it seems like he has no interest in getting in, so it becomes a terribly dull battle between the two sides. As if the concept of being stuck in an ATM wasn't silly enough (especially considering some of the past movies dealing with being stuck in such worse places; an elevator, the ocean, underground etc) the movie just feels completely clueless. Nothing remotely interesting or creepy happens at all. Add on three terrible performances, dialogue that feels as if it was made on the spot, and a ridiculously lackluster "twist" ending, and you have a giant fail of a movie that makes you wish you could get a refund of your time and/or money.

0/4

Forget Me Not

If Forget Me Not was an essay, it would be one with some pretty good body paragraphs and a rather disappointing conclusion and flimsy beginning. Shame that it had so much potential but unfortunately Forget Me Not just doesn't really know how to start or end with power.

Forget Me Not is all about Sandy (Carly Schroeder from Mean Creek) and her friends enjoying their time on graduation weekend. They should be having a blast, but after an odd encounter with an unidentified girl while playing the game "Forget Me Not" (which pretty much just looks like Hide and Seek in a graveyard), things begin to go wrong. It's up to Sandy to find out why this is happening and how to stop it before her and all of her friends are completely forgotten.

My favorite thing about this movie is easily what happens after each person is killed; the memory of them is totally erased. It's a pretty inventive idea that actually hasn't been done to death which is a rarity in basic slashers such as this one. Not only is it creepy based merely on the idea of totally losing any type of memory of your friend after they're gone, but it also adds an extra layer of mystery about Sandy when her friends start disappearing. It makes you wonder if everything is at is seems or if there's something going on with her that's being saved for the grand conclusion.

For a low budget horror movie, the effects were pretty decent as well. I loved how the ghosts would show up on the scene and the most recently murdered friend would join them. So by the end of the movie, the main characters are being chased by their entire clan....who they pretty much have no memories of. Weird. The death scenes aren't out of this world amazing, but at least it's not like most other horror movies where everyone just gets stabbed or ripped apart; everyone dies in completely different ways, and I'd be lying if I said that the death scenes involving an open grave and a wood chipper didn't bring a smile to my face.

Now for the bad....the beginning scenes are absolutely painful to endure. I've never met anyone in my life that speaks as ridiculously asinine as the characters in this movie do. It's so ridiculously contrived you would swear that some parts of this movie were written by someone with the attitude of a 60 year-old on how the youngsters communicate. 4 minutes in, and I couldn't wait for the death scenes to start happening just to get the characters to stop talking. It's quite odd how the performances get stronger as the circumstances get less and less realistic. You would think acting like a partying teenager would be easier than acting like a teenager getting chased around by a recluse ghost who makes your entire memory fade away.

As for the ending, I was pretty disappointed as well. Towards the climax, several ideas popped into my head about what I thought/was hoping the big twist would be (because you know there's going to be one...come on). Sadly enough, none of these ideas happened on screen. The final scenes feel so choppy, rushed, forced, and nonsensical (even by this movie's logic...shit doesn't add up), you would almost swear that this was the ending to a completely different horror movie and not the one that started building promise after the initial painful and stiff opening scenes. Just do yourself a favor, turn off the movie around the point the remaining characters head to the convent/hospital and we can forget the rest of it ever happened. :)

2/4



Wrath of the Titans

This is going to be a quick review, in fact, some might say my review will last as long as it took to come up with the plot of this movie. It's a quick review because I really don't have a ton to say about Wrath of the Titans actually. I thought the previews looked horrible, most of the reviews I read were horrible, so it's not much of a crushing blow that the actual movie turned out to be...you guessed it, horrible.

The "plot" deals with Perseus (Sam Worthington) leaving his life of peace to go save his father Zeus (Liam Neeson) from Zeus's brother Hades (Ralph Fiennes) and Zeus's other son Ares (Edgar Ramirez). Sounds like a Jerry Springer episode yeah? There's a ton of other shit going on with fighting and about 10,000 other names that you almost need a subscription to Greek Mythology Weekly to keep up with, but yeah that's the basic point.

Like most action movies these days, Wrath of the Titans brings the action (not very well, which we'll get into), but it's not much of a movie. There's absolutely nothing interesting or even remotely strong with this story (if I can summarize it in two sentences....that should tell you right there), the writing is so archaic and borderline embarassing at times you can see the cobwebs being blown off the script and the acting is so unbearable. This cast had a lot of of talent but if they're not overacting like Ramirez or Fiennes, they're completely wooden like Worthington or Neeson. It's a shame to watch so many good actors go down the drain along with this movie.

And the action scenes.....God, where do I begin? First off, for a movie with the word titans in it, there sure as fuck is barely any titans. They show up in the last 20 minutes (probably around the time I began going into my coma) and fight for about 5 minutes and go away. Big whoop. The other action scenes don't fare any better either. Though the scenery is quite impressive, everything in it is definitely far from it. You can almost smell the CGI in just about every scene and it's pretty much the equivalent of sitting down and watching someone play a video game for 99 minutes= not very fun at all. At least on a game though, you can quit early and save your money as opposed to Wrath of the Titans that feels like the game from Hell that will never end.

0/4

The Hunger Games

For those who read my reviews, odds are that you're pretty familiar with the fact that I despise long movies in general, considering I don't think many of them are worth three fucks of their length. It's also a lesser known fact that I don't really care for action movies much either (I much prefer to see someone get their head chopped off then shot off anyday). So for one to make me as enamored as I am with The Hunger Games...that says something right there about the sheer amazing quality of it.

The premise of The Hunger Games is if you took the lovechild of The Most Dangerous Game and The Lottery and threw it on screen with a bit more of a magical element too it. Every year in the 12 districts of Panem, a boy and girl between the ages of 12-18 are selected to play the games. So 24 kids go in the arena, but only one will come out as the victor, pretty much being promised to be hailed as almost a celebrity of the bloodbath. Katniss Everdeen (Jennifer Lawrence from Hunger Games and the last X-Men) volunteers herself after her younger sister is selected, taking her place and joining fellow contestant Peeta (Josh Hutcherson) as the two kids from their district. Once they have arrived at where the games will begin, they do training for every part of the event, from the looks, to what to say in the interviews, to how to gain sponsors in order to actually survive (fellow noticeable actors such as Woody Harrelson, Elizabeth Banks, and Lenny Kravitz show up in this section). As the games begin, it's a vicious bloodbath that requires Katniss to bank on every skill she has utilized in life so far. Whether it be defending herself from the "Careers" (pretty much the kids who get off on this shit), or using her nuturing instincts to protect a fellow player named Rue (Amandla Stenberg).

The Hunger Games is exciting for all parts of the body that get some type of..fulfillment from movies. The first one being the heart. Though it's far from being anything related to a romantic comedy, The Hunger Games is actually pretty emotive overall. The scenes with Katniss and Peeta hit the right notes, those being ones that let you know there's a strong romance brewing but it doesn't bash you over the head with it as to lose focus from the movie's primary ideas. The death scenes are also quite heartbreaking as well, and for those who have read the book and/or seen the movie...I don't need to mention which one in particular will feel like a knife to the heart.

The brain is also a part of the body that gets some type of stimulation when viewing The Hunger Games because of the way that the society is presented. With the constant needs for high ratings, honoring a sacred tradition, and the shit that gets viewed by people all over the world, it actually makes you question if our own society is that different than the one presented in The Hunger Games. How valuable is a human life in our own society when the main complaint about the media is the lack of restraint that it upholds with its material?

And for everyone wanting a bit of thrills, The Hunger Games easily charges up the pulses of everyone in the theater. Jennifer Lawrence (who for the third time in a row is proving that she's amazing...and a BAMF) will easily be regarded as the next big hero of an action trilogy. Move over Harry Potter, Spider-Man, and anything related to a vampire...Katniss is taking over. The action scenes in this movie are brilliant. Exciting, nerve-wracking, and actually pretty graphic, though not too graphic though considering the PG-13 rating. The scenes alone with the beehive and the killer dogs are scenes that should grab anyone's attention. The Hunger Games will easily become the next big film phenomenon which is deservedly so considering how many right notes The Hunger Games will hit from beginning to end.

3/4



Silent House

I've noticed a pattern in horror movies these days; a failure to provide a solid conclusion. A lot of them keep my interest until the very end where everything just goes straight to Hell. I'm not sure if these movies end this way because of an overzealous attempt to be tricky and surprise the audience or if that particular ending was just the only rabbit in the director's hat. This happens to be the scenario with Silent House, a movie which could have a stronger finish to match the rest of it.

Silent House has a pretty simple premise. Sarah (Elizabeth Olsen) is working with her father and her uncle on fixing up their old house in order to sell it. On this day, soon after starting their work, Sarah begins to feel like something just...isn't right. Starting with an odd conversation with an old friend (Julia Taylor Ross), after which soon not being able to locate her father in the house, to finally, realizing that something bad has happened to him and that they are not alone in the house. Marvelous day for Sarah.

One of the most impressive things about Silent House is the way it's shot. I've read many complaints about how shooting it all in one take became tedious and quite obnoxious to watch, but I actually found it to be quite captivating. It really does feel like you're with Sarah the entire time. When she's hiding from someone, you feel like you're hiding from someone as well. When she's tripping or hitting her head on a pipe, you feel like you're hitting your head on a pipe too. When she's running around with her shirt practically hanging off her tits, you feel like...well, probably not.

Elizabeth Olsen holds her own very well in this movie. Not many actresses could have made this character interesting considering you know very little about her, but Olsen does it quite effectively. She's persuasive in the early scenes before any of the terror occurs and she also proves that she can scream with the best of them. Olsen is a star and performances like this one and Martha Marcy May Marlene (say that 5 times fast) should make sure this girl stays on the map.

Now for my biggest problem with the movie; the previously mentioned conclusion. Now, I'm not a rocket scientist, a plastic surgeon, a lawyer, or any other type of profession where you need to have an IQ above how many fingers you have at all. But if I can spot the ending to a movie a mile away, there's a big problem. Silent House just isn't that surprising. The twist can be seen from outer space so at times you're wishing the movie could keep up with what you have obviously discovered. It just seems like Silent House was on the same wavelength as the kid who just couldn't stop eating the glue. Not only does Silent House's ending reak of predictability, the way it's wrapped up is as if the director ran out of film at the very end. Too many questions are left on the side of the road and you're just left feeling disappointed. Silent House had the potential to be great but a lackluster ending reduced it to just being decent. Shame.

2/4



The Help

It's always a joy when a movie which you think you know everything about turns out to be totally different than what you expected. Don't get me wrong; The Help is obviously about injustices between races in a much earlier decade but the overall feeling is one I didn't expect. Not only is The Help heartbreaking and powerful, it's actually much more entertaining, hillarious, and witty than I ever expected, easily one of the best movies of 2011.

The Help stars Emma Stone, as Skeeter Phelan, a young writer determined to make an impression in the literary world. So she decides to write a novel from the viewpoint of the help, collecting her material from local servants Aibileen Clark and Minny Jackson (played by Viola Davis and Octavia Spencer), and exposing the evil of the people they work for led by Hilly Holbrook (Bryce Dallas Howard) as the town's main racist with plans of making all of the black servants be demoted to using separate bathrooms outside of their employers' homes.

The Help's performances are easily one of the strongest positives of the movie. Emma Stone as Skeeter is quite effective, summoning up a rare contrast of an innocent, yet powerful and agressive energy, and she works both of these traits so well. Octavia Spencer (who deservedly won the Oscar) and Viola Davis (who SHOULD have won the Oscar) are forces of nature here. They'll go from breaking your heart to making you laugh your ass off in a matter of seconds, and not once do you see actresses performing roles, you see people behaving as people. Bryce Dallas Howard is also deliciously evil and the town bitch, and Jessica Chastain (who was rightfully nominated for the Oscar) is terribly endearing as Celia Foote, the town housewife who doesn't treat the help like dirt...and as expected, is despised for her differences and kind outlooks.

The Help's tone achieves the perfect blends of different types of attitude here. Rarely would I consider a movie about exposing social injustices to be entertaining, but The Help actually managed to capture and hold my attention from beginning to end. And considering that this movie is almost 2.5 hours long, that is no easy task mind you. And as heartbreaking and effective as the movie can be with the emotional punches that it swings at you, The Help is actually quite spicy and at times, very hillarious as well. Not once do you feel like you're watching a soap opera/Lifetime special of prejudices. The screenplay would be what Goldilocks describes as "Just right". Just the right amount of drama, of comedy, and of all that good shit in the middle.

The Help is easily one of the best movies of 2011 bar none. It exposes social injustices in a way that will attract all types of audiences. Those who are looking to find out about how things were in the 1960's according to race, those who are just suckers for those Oscar bait types of movies, and those who want a good laugh and possibly a good cry (TRUST ME, there will be at least one scene that will come close to making you cry/actually making you cry). The Help is a masterpiece that should be seen by every type of moviegoer.

4/4



The Children

It's not exactly a mystery that children are generally regarded as a big pain in the ass, but The Children depicts this in a whole different way that is rarely seen; children turning on their parents. The Children is an effective horror movie about what happens when your offspring want you to disappear...for real.

Two sets of parents bring their younger children, and one teenage daughter up to the mountains for Christmas vacation. The younger children soon develop flu/cold-like symptoms all at once, and once the sickness kicks in...they'll want a little bit more then chicken noodle soup, turning on their parents and planning their demises the entire way.

One of the best things about The Children is the subtleties. The Children isn't a horror movie with back to back gruesome death scenes (though there are a few of those spread throughout), but what's most frightening about The Children is just the simple idea of it. How would you deal with a child that wanted nothing more than to see your head on a platter? Would you be able to strike them down or would your parental instincts forbid this action in your head? The Children answers these questions and more about the nature of evil children in a very chilling manner.

The Children is a solid horror movie that will capture and keep your attention from beginning to end. Though the idea of evil children (The Omen, Orphan, Wicked Little Things) setting highly unlikely and sometimes preposterous traps (Final Destination) for others to fall victim to, The Children sprinkles some freshness in the plot from beginning to end to avoid a "been there, done that" type of feeling that tends to suck the fun and enjoyment out of most other recent horror movies. And it will make you think twice about procreation after viewing this. What's not to love?

3/4