Fright Night

There's generally two giant problems with remakes these days. They either stick so closely to the original format that there's really no point in seeing a remake for $20 when you can see the original for cheaper. OR! They try and make a bunch of changes to appear as original or inventive. Fright Night actually shoots for both. And it fails miserably at both.

One of the biggest problems with Fright Night, is that some of the touches in the original that made it so great are totally fucked to the ground here. First off, Peter Vincent (in an incredibly OTT performance by David Vincent)...is a Las Vegas magician. Why? I don't know. If it ain't broke, don't fix it. His character comes off as obnoxious when in the original...he was pretty fun to watch. Charley and Evil Ed's characters are fucked with as well. Charley's an asshole so you don't really give a shit what happens to him. Evil Ed is just obnoxious, you don't care when he gets killed, and all of the sadness in the original when Evil Ed is killed...is gone here. You can't wait for him to die. And as for Jerry...we'll get to him in a minute.

The performances are a huge problem as well. Anton Yelchin comes off as bland and one-note from beginning to end. Christopher Mintz-Plasse is criminally underused and is given very little to work with at all. The worst performance is easily Colin Farrell though as Jerry. All of the subtle sexuality and fear within Jerry's character is totally M.I.A here. Colin overracts to a ridiculous extent. His scenes don't come off as scary or sexy at all. Those who try hardest generally fall the hardest. And that's his problem. He forces terror and sexual appeal on the audience so much that his entire performance comes off as camp.

Laughs and thrills are generally missing as well. The writing comes off as amateurish and tedious. Nothing is funny or even clever at all. It's a very "been there, done that" type of movie. References to other movies are made that might have been funny about...10 years ago. Now it's just stale. For a movie about a vampire killing everyone in town, Fright Night comes off as awfully boring and unscary as well. Very little happens in the movie when you think about it. In fact, I would say about 90% of the movie is pretentious build-up to shit that just doesn't have any sort of fright in it. It's a sad day when you wished you had stayed home and did nothing over viewing such a terrible, worthless movie.

0/4

Rango

If this is the future for animated movies, then I'm deeply concerned. Rango is totally flat and forgettable. It's bizzare and strange without any hint of comedy. It's about 100 minutes yet at times it feels like 100 hours. The story has been done a million times (outcast lies about doing something brave to get props from others) and it's done without any new twists or originality. Which is a shame considering the cast is quite talented and they do what they can in this movie. But not even actors like Johnny Depp, Isla Fisher, and Timothy Olyphant can resuscitate a movie that never had a heart, brain, or a pulse to begin with.

2/4

The Mist

Like most creature features, The Mist is a movie that demonstrates that there is something out there worse then a monster hellbent on destroying the world. People. People are a million times worse than any creature could ever be. The Mist is one of the most pessimistic and melancholy movies about the attitude of mankind with survival that I have seen in a while.

Fortunately, The Mist is also one of the best horror movies of 2007. First off, the performances are so much fun. Thomas Jane is perfect as the role of David, a dad that will get his badass on in order to protect those he loves. Marcia Gay Harden is the biggest highlight in the film though, a total showstealer as Mrs. Carmody, a religious fanatic that will sacrifice anyone at the drop of a hat in order to sustain her own life. Also worthy of mentioning is Frances Sternhagen as Irene, an old bitty that's still as wise and sharp as any of the younger victims.

The Mist is great at sustaining tension as well. The best moments in the movie are actually the ones in which very little is happening. Just viewing the hopless looks of terror on the characters' faces as they are aware of what's going on around them is more tense and dramatic then any scene where the monsters are on screen. Even scarier is what these people will do in order to survive. Sacrifice is as present as ever. Really shows how fucked up people are in general. Which is the scariest thing ever.

Unfortunately though, the CGI isn't as strong as the rest of the movie. When the creatures are on screen, many of them take away from the horror in the situations. The CGI is really cheap and lame, it's almost hard to take them seriously as there's really no element of fright with these monsters.

And last, but certainly not least...THE ENDING. Easily one of the biggest downers in recent movie history. I personally loved it. I get sick of seeing every movie end happily. This one sure as fuck doesn't.

The Mist is a solid horror movie that is worth viewing by any horror geek. Just don't expect the words happily ever after to come to mind by the time it's done.

3/4

Final Destination 5

I found this format for the Final Destination series, so I'm stealing it for my review. :B

The movie's tone: For one, this movie is a lot more serious then past entries in the series (looking at you, part 4). When a character dies, it actually feels like a real person just met their demise on screen. Not a moving target like The Final Destination had the tendency to do with the doomed characters. Even though there is a pretty fair amount of humor throughout, I would say the movie is a bit darker then other entries like 3 and 4.

Acting: Like most horror movies, unfortunately I would say that the leads are outshined and out-acted (IDGAF that it's not a word) by their co-stars. No one is jaw-droppingly bad in this movie, but I felt like Nicholas D'Agosoto, Emma Bell, and Miles Fisher had the tendency to take their lines and act them out as if they were acting amongst chongas on a telenovela. It was just too OTT at times. It's unfortunate that some of the stronger performances were by people who were wiped out much sooner (mainly; David Koechner, Arlen Escarpeta, Jacqueline Maclnnes Wood, and Ellen Wroe).

Special effects: These did NOT disappoint at all. The highway accident was filmed to perfection. Every second is so tense and filmed in such a cool way. It really doesn't feel like you're watching a movie during this scene. It feels like you're watching a national disaster unfold in front of your very eyes. All of the deaths are graphic, bloody as fuck, and exactly what any gore fiend is looking for when they watch an entry in the Final Destination series.

The pace: If you're looking for 90 minutes of nonstop murder, I would say you're going to be a bit disappointed. There are many scenes of talking (considering the new rules that are being opened) between each death. Which I actually appreciated in a way. It made the death scenes resonate more and allowed the actors to do more with the material then just scream as something would eventually impale, break, burn, or decapitate them.

Ending: Now this was awesome. Along with the twist of killing someone else to save your own life, the ending also contains a neat surprise which you might not see coming. And even if you do, that won't stop it from impressing you eventually as it unfolds. 

3/4

Black Christmas

Continuing with the general theme of remaking every classic horror movie to hell and back, is Black Christmas, a forgettable, but not terribly shitty horror movie.

As for the plot, there's not a ton of shit going on here. Sorority sisters and their house mother are attacked by a man named Billy who had a really fucked up past (and kinda dumb backstory) in the house. He's pissed. And for reasons unknown to us...he's decided to take it out on all these girls. A problem I have with the story is the explanation behind Billy's kills. Besides being in the same house, you never really get why he's so deadset on killing all these people. This is kinda a spoiler, but I figured it's worth mentioning. Billy is killing everyone with his sister Agnes, and this part of the story makes no sense at all. Agnes was depicted as a normal child. She was attacked by Billy. She probably had feelings of resentment towards Billy (like anyone who was attacked and lost an eyeball during). So why is she helping him? Just kill him. That part was fuckdumb.

As a pure gore lover, I was quite pleased with Black Christmas. All of the kills are gross and bloody as fuck and I loved it. They really waste no time. The first victim is offed less than 5 minutes into the movie. ME LIKEY. :D

The acting...is probably a bit better than expected. Sure, most of the people that make it to the end/around the end screech and scream throughout the entire movie, and yeah...the person who probably gives the best performance is criminally underused and offed too quickly, but no one is terribly shitty in the movie. Just a bit OTT at times. Which is generally expected in movies like this.

Overall, Black Christmas is a decent, run of the mill horror flick. It moves pretty quickly and will satisfy anyone looking to see 90 minutes of pure guts. It's a bit forgettable compared to stronger horror movies and some of the performances are a bit irritating, but you take what you can get with movies like this.

3/4