Django Unchained

Think a movie about slavery is impossible to have fun watching? Check your thinking. Django Unchained is bloody, talky, hillarious, bizzare, long as fuck and completely fun to watch. Quentin Tarantino took another blast from the past and made it his own masterpiece (see Inglourious Basterds for further proof). He's the shit.

Django Unchained stars Jamie Foxx as Django, an angry slave hellbent on getting revenge on those who abused and sold his wife Broomhilda (Kerry Washington). He soon gets an opportunity to get some bloody satisfaction when he meets Dr. King Schulz (Christopher Waltz), a doctor turned bounty hunter who is out for blood. Their journey leads them all over the United States, ending with the two venturing into Candyland to save Broomhilda from her master; Calvin Candie (Leonardo DiCaprio) and his loyal house slave; Stephen (Samuel L. Jackson).

If Django were a drink, it would be the lovechild of a Monster, Rockstar, and Full Throttle. There's so much energy on screen you would swear it could explode. Django Unchained is such a party you would swear you were watching a movie about a lighthearted subject as opposed to slaves getting beaten and sold across the country. Tarantino's trademark is taking dark, somber subjects and adding a spin on them that makes them fun for the audience. This is the history lesson you wish they would have had you learn about in school.

For being 165 minutes long, Django flies like a plane. With all the talking, repeating, and possible opportunities for endings that aren't taken, Django never overstays its' welcome. The movie could have been an hour longer and I wouldn't have cared.

It doesn't hurt that all of the actors are in on the fun. Even in the least humorous situations in the movie, you can tell everyone is having a blast. Foxx gives his role a badass, yet likeable quality that makes you root for him. Christopher Waltz displays why he won that Oscar fair and square, his character deserves a movie of his own; his performance and characterization are full of life. DiCaprio nails his part as well, going from charming, to menacing, to charming, to asshole all in one movie, delivering the goods with every part of Calvin Candie. Candie is easily one of my favorite villian's of 2012; he's one you love to hate to love. Samuel L. Jackson is hillarious also. Like DiCaprio, there's nothing likeable about his character but the actor behind him gives it so much heart and flavor you wanna like him.

Comedic lovers and gorehounds can all bond with Django; it brings both. Scenes with the bagheads and some of the later murders are gutbustingly funny. To speak about them would ruin the fun. Only in a Quentin Tarantino movie would someone stop the killing just to deliver some offcore, bizzare humor and nail it. Django is bloody as fuck also and I loved every minute of it. Even though the main characters are chained, nothing about Django Unchained feels restricted or confined. It's an outrageous blast.

4/4

The Impossible

A movie about tragedy clearly has to be tragic, but why the overkill? The Impossible takes the level of maudlin and melancholy and cranks it to a level where you feel like your eyes and ears will either bleed or cry. After a strong start, The Impossible sinks and ultimately just ends up as silly and overworked.

The Impossible does have strengths though, definitely present in the stellar performances. Naomi Watts is groundbreaking as Maria, the non-practicing doctor turned heroine who will stop at nothing to protect her family. Ewan McGregor also shines as her husband Henry. Though he isn't given as much material to work with, when he is on screen his portrayal will demand your attention. All of the children, most notably Tom Holland as Lucas (whose name you will hear 10,000 times) deliver the goods as well. The scenes with Maria and Lucas (especially when disaster first strikes) are easily the some of the most powerful and effective scenes in the movie.

And speaking of powerful, when it comes to disaster movies, a lot of visual importance is placed on the big destruction scene. The Impossible's first wash of carnage is breathtaking. Amazing scenery, perfectly shot, frighteningly authentic and truly scary. Everything about this scene feels realistic and shines when it comes to putting the viewer into the scenes of the carnage.

And sadly, after this stunningly devastating scene, The Impossible begins to downgrade. After the carnage, The Impossible begins to drag like a corpse. There really isn't much material to work with and I felt like The Impossible ran in circles of what to fill up the screen with, leaving a lot of the last half of the movie feeling quite tedious and unneeded to further the story.

Sappyness begins to strike also. It almost feels like The Impossible is begging for your sadness, it's like a 2 hour ASPCA commercial for your humans, shoving tragedy in your face won't register as true emotion but overkill. There's too many coincidences, forced dramatic scenes and repeated material towards the last half, causing very little enjoyment to be had by the time the credits roll. The visuals & Naomi Watts' performance are on fire, but sadly that is negated by everything else coming off as completely soggy.

2/4

ParaNorman

It's rare that a movie gets stronger as more time passes, but ParaNorman actually manages to kick some ass by the end of it. Paranorman is about a little boy named Norman who can speak to the dead, including his deceased Grandmother who never seems to want to leave. He's labeled as a freak due to this unusual gift, but has to learn how to use it in order to stop a deceased witch from summoning the dead and placing a curse on the entire town.

ParaNorman's animation is very captivating. There's something very gothic & Tim Burton inspired about the style, but there's also something very original about the way it looks as well. In addition to being beautiful, ParaNorman also manages to bring some genuine humor into the movie as well, with some unexpected comedy you rarely get in animated, family films.

Even though it's meant for kids, ParaNorman actually shoots for the grown-ups as well with its' tone. Themes of death, loneliness, revenge, and hatred are present as well. It's rare that a children's movie touches on themes such as these, but ParaNorman actually keeps a beating heart into the material focused on all that is dead.

3/4

Life of Pi

Anyone that thinks that Life of Pi is nothing but a movie about an angry tiger and a young boy on a boat will be taken for a ride. Life of Pi is not only visual stimulation for the eyes but it's also mental stimulation for the brain and the heart. Ang Lee once again strikes gold with Life of Pi, one of the best movies of the year.

Life of Pi stars Irrfan Khan as Pi Patel, an Indian storyteller being interviewed by a writer about his immensely difficult, 227 day journey to survival after escaping a sinking boat that killed just about nearly everyone on board, minus a young Pi, a tiger, a hyena, a monkey, and an injured zebra. Survival of the fittest comes into play, as Pi and the tiger battle it out with each other and mother nature as they struggle to survive on limited safety, food, and rest.

Life of Pi's visuals are truly astounding. Every scene is breathtaking, it's such a difficult task deciding which scene is the most attractive. The tiger is easily one of the best visual creations of 2012, I would have never imagined that the tiger was anything less than real. The boat sinking scene is horrifying in its' realistic depiction. Even scenes with flying fish and other animals popping out of the water are truly astounding, taking the viewer on the ride for themselves.

Life of Pi also hits the heart as well. Pi's story isn't the the lightest story in the book and the way the movie is created makes you feel the pain the main characters do when tragedy strikes. You really feel the sting when characters pass away and it's seeming to be a rare feature in movies these days to really give a shit with who lives or dies.

Debate is easily going to be stirred over Life of Pi's controversial ending. Personally, I loved it. Life of Pi does have a conclusion but it's not nearly as black and white as the viewer would imagine. It's something that makes you question everything you had just watched. Question what Pi's journey really meant to him and how it really happened. Question what you believe in. There may be a few things that are still left up to question, but for me, Life of Pi is easily one of the most enjoyable movies of 2012, no doubt about it.

4/4

End of Watch

        Being a cop is easily one of the most wild and unpredictable jobs out there. Every second is a question over whether or not you will leave to see the next day, who you can trust, and is there any good in sight? Such a turbulent ride, so why is it that End of Watch feels so by the numbers??

Luckily though, End of Watch is certainly far from being without merit. The two leads' chemistry is easily the strongest attribute of the film. Jake Gyllenhaal and Michael Pena shine as the lead cops. Their scenes of just regular conversation were easily some of my favorite parts of the movie. Nothing feels acted or contrived at all. Very natural and both actors play their role with charm when they're not beating the shit out of someone else.

End of Watch definitely has a genuine feel that definitely works in its' advantage. Even excluding the leads' chemistry, nothing in End of Watch feels staged or acted out. All of the performances exude a realism that's rarely depicted in many action movies these days where you're just watching caricatures of human beings blowing each other to pieces. Even the way the movie is shot feels 100% authentic, you would swear you're watching the world's longest episode of Cops at times.

Unfortunately though, End of Watch is a movie where you see most of the twists coming a mile away. It's not difficult to see that things won't end in the best of light, which is another way the movie depicts the life of an average cop; there isn't always a light at the end of the tunnel, for everyone that is.

End of Watch shines when it comes to the realism that cops face on the average day. The leads clearly gave it their all yet never come across as trying to give it their all. It's just a shame that the movie puts you in the position of one of the antagonists in this movie, always running one step ahead of the cops.

3/4



Hitchcock

   When I first heard of this movie, I imagined a good core of it would be based on the actual making of "Psycho", and the rest would be dedicated to Hitchcock's marriage, wandering eye, obsession with anything in a dress, etc. Sadly I was mistaken, as these details murdered the other ones in terms of what occupied the most time on screen.

Anthony Hopkins plays the title character, as he's striving to reach his next big hit, something different and fresh that will get people surprised in his work again. With his loyal wife Alma (Helen Mirren) by his side, Hitchcock strives to make Psycho, despite the several issues with the MPAA, the graphic content used in the film (most notably the shower scene and a risqué shot of a toilet...no I'm not kidding), and the issue of a wandering eye, with Hitchcock keeping a good look on his costars just a little too often, and his wife Alma involving herself in a relationship with a "friend" who wants to be more than friends.

Hitchcock's costumes and visuals deserve and some Academy recognition. Every scene is shot perfectly. The atmosphere is stunning, the looks of the characters really make you feel like you're watching an entirely different decade all together, and I loved the set pieces involved in the making of Psycho.

The performances are also impressive. Anthony Hopkins nails the obsession and determination that drove Hitchcock to this sheer greatness. Helen Mirren holds her own as well, as the wife with the bubbling resentment that eventually bubbles over in a perfectly delivered speech. Scarlett Johansson also gives a noteworthy performance as Psycho's lead actress, her performance is full of charm and radiance.

Sadly though, Hitchcock drags at times. Clearly the marriage between Hitchcock and Alma had issues, but I felt the film felt way too much time repeating these conflicts and arguments the two had. I would have much rather preferred watching more time in the movie being invested to the making of the movie that made Hitchcock the cinematic pimp he was known to be. Hitchcock needed to summon a bit more of the same attitude as Norman Bates but sadly the movie never delivers the crazy that you would want it to.

3/4

Scary Movie 5



You know something is living up to its' title as Scary Movie when the best scenes involve a Lindsay Lohan/Charlie Sheen combo and partying electronic devices.

 Scary Movie 5 stars Ashley Tisdale and Simon Rex as Jody and Dan, a couple taking in recently abandoned children into a new house which turns out to be haunted by ghosts and "Mama".

 Later on, the movie then uses ridiculous excuses to parody non-horror movies such as Inception & Black Swan. The only terrifying thing going on here is how lackluster and lame the entire movie is with the bland performances, pathetic and threadbare stories and sight gags, and just a sheer, undeniable blandness that seeps through every concept this movie throws at you.

 The only comedy going on here is imagining how these movies keep on getting released into theaters.

0/4

Zero Dark Thirty

Think war and terrorism movies are stale and dull? Get back. Zero Dark Thirty will take you on a rollercoaster from beginning to end.

Zero Dark Thirty stars Jessica Chastain as Maya, a CIA operative who gets her first big task on the job; finding Osama Bin Laden. Her journey lasts 10 years as the mystery of where Osama Bin Laden is cracked.

Jessica Chastain is a powerhouse as Maya, a woman who eats, sleeps, and breathes Bin Laden. Her character is perfectly written, displaying a tremendous sense of power, determination and unavoidable frustration due to all the dead ends their journey leads them on. Chastain nails all sides of Maya, you never lose interest watching her transform on screen from a beautiful actress to a one-woman army.

Jessica Chastain is a powerhouse as Maya, a woman who eats, sleeps, and breathes Bin Laden. Her character is perfectly written, displaying a tremendous sense of power, determination and unavoidable frustration due to all the dead ends their journey leads them on. Chastain nails all sides of Maya, you never lose interest watching her transform on screen from a beautiful actress to a one-woman army.

Zero Dark Thirty is far from a horror movie, but the terror will register far more than most horror movies will even come close to achieving. Every scene, from the initial torture sequences, to the investigations with Bin Laden's contacts, to the last thirty minutes where Bin Laden is found and killed, Zero Dark Thirty will take your breath away.

In addition to shaking you up, Zero Dark Thirty will break your heart as well. As expected, not everyone will survive through the end of the search, and the excellent characterization succeeds in hitting home whenever a character is murdered. You really feel the sting of their losses. Zero Dark Thirty is located in several different countries but all the pain, terror, heartache, relief, and determination will hit home with everyone. Zero Dark Thirty is a knock-out and is one that will resonate for many years to come.

4/4

Evil Dead

****Update!***** Rewatched this recently, still found it a little tiring but not as bad as I first did

2/4

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Want a movie that has the gore and the brains? Keep on searching. Evil Dead will drive you to insomnia by the 10th time of watching someone lose a limb.

Evil Dead stars Jane Levy as Mia, a recovering addict trying not to relapse. Her friends and brother are taking her to a cabin in the woods (sound familiar?) in order to help her cope and keep an eye over her. After one of the less intelligent friends opens a book and reads the contents (despite the warning signs) something evil invades Mia's body.

She starts feeling the side effects of being, well, invaded by demon, and her friends (one of which is a nurse might I add) just pass off her symptoms as bad withdrawal symptoms. Soon she's on the run and she's bound to drive Hell into everyone else around her.

Every performance is so wooden and hollow you could be watching 5 dummies being brought to life. When the friends are in the early scenes, none of the performances are of any interest and fall flat. When they all turn demonic, everyone goes so ridiculously over the top the scenes of them causing havoc just come off as comedy.

Speaking of dummies, these have to be some of the dumbest characters in recent history. Isolating themselves, reading books that clearly state do not read, ignoring signs that people are possessed and not just drug-hungry. Shit like that. Really makes it impossible to care who lives or dies.

The biggest problem is that Evil Dead just falls into the typical trap of using gore over thrills. There's nothing remotely thrilling going on here. Limbs are cut off, faces are slashed, heads are bashed, people are split in half, and none of this feels remotely scary. Sure you can use the loud music tricks in order to get a cheap thrill or two, but when that's your only tactic it's time to do something different. Evil Dead is nothing but flash with no real pizazz behind it. 

1/4

Wreck-It Ralph

             

                

                It’s no secret that I’m a huge Pixar buff, and they have yet to disappoint me, delivering Wreck-It Ralph, a solid, humorous, and beautiful movie. Seriously, the animation is stellar and might be Pixar’s most attractive film to date. There isn’t a color that isn’t used throughout.

                Wreck-It Ralph (John C. Reilly) is a villain in one of the arcade’s most popular video games.  However, he’s sick of being the villain and treated like the game’s leper by the rest involved and wants to be something more. He soon ventures out of his game to track down a gold medal in the hopes of everyone looking at him as something more than the menace of the block. His journey soon leads him into a very Candyland inspired videogame where he meets Vanellope (Sarah Silverman), a glitch in her own video game that just wants some recognition of her own.

                Wreck-It Ralph is like an animated yearbook for fans of videogames. One of the joys is just searching for all of the games/hints of games throughout. Candyland, Mario Kart, Sonic, Pacman, Street Fighter, Donkey Kong, so many are referenced and hinted at, it’s impossible to find a game that isn’t somewhat brought up in Wreck-It Ralph. I appreciated how different the video games were from each other as well, each game felt very distinct from the next, displaying the versatility in the looks of the games.

                I appreciated the numerous types of humor used in Wreck-It Ralph as well. There are the little winks and nudges at many games mentioned previously, but there’s also some wit for the older viewers and some humor intended for the younger viewers as well, courtesy of Sarah Silverman’s stellar and sarcasm filled personality being displayed through Vanellope. It’s a true testament of comedy in animated films when you’re not picturing what these actors look like in real life; you imagine them as their characters.

                As always, Disney films managed to sneak in a slightly hidden message/problem in addition to a live one. Though there is a villain in this film, there’s also a more internal conflict of self-acceptance and happiness with who you are, Wreck-It Ralph hits the heart without hitting the sappy shit. Wreck-It Ralph’s entire length is through a videogame yet the movie never feels artificial or phoned in, Wreck-It Ralph is the real deal.

4/4

The Collection

I am convinced that we will be watching Saw/movies reminiscient of Saw until death. In addition to being completely unnecessary and repetitive, they also manage to be quite terrible. The Collection stands strong in its' awful quality, not even reaching one solid moment from beginning to end.

The main victim in The Collection is Elena (Emma Fitzpatrick) a rich girl who is kidnapped after a night of watching everyone at the party she's attending get ripped to pieces (the scene's highlight, if there is one). Elena's father hires people to help find her, including the only survivor of the original. They follow Elena along the hotel, falling into all of the collector's traps. And that's about it in terms of plot.

The Collection appears to have been created on a budget of $5 excluding what had to have been distributed to the cast. The special effects are extremely cheap and transparent. They're obnoxious and in your face, plus the ridiculous music video styled direction doesn't help. Half of the time you can't even tell what the fuck is going on.

All hopes of getting a coherent story all go to Hell also. There's absolutely nothing going on here but tedious killings. Half of these characters don't even get a name or a plausible reason for existing before being hacked up by the collector or his toys. It's a shame that a movie featuring such a crafty and intelligent antagonist can feel like such a dumb journey into movie Hell.

0/4