Straw Dogs

How do gender stereotypes affect men and women today? How important is it for a man to be the brave one and for the woman to be the damsel in distress? What makes us want to change ourselves in order to fit these stereotypes? These are questions that are the underlying ideas in Straw Dogs, an effective yet very scary and well made horror movie.

Straw Dogs stars Kate Bosworth (Blue Crush) and James Marsden (X-Men) as David and Amy, a married couple that moves back into Amy's old house in order to fix it up a bit. They decide to hire a few of the local hicks to help them, led by Amy's old boyfriend Charlie (Alexander Skarsgård from True Blood). At first, things start out okay until the hicks start doing things that most people frown upon; inviting themselves in the house, raiding the fridge, killing Amy's cat, raping Amy while David is away on a hunting adventure, you know...little annoyances like that. Amy tries to deal with these situations in a more agressive manner than David, leading her to believe that David is a big coward and that she pretty much has to be the man in the relationship. But later on in the movie, David will get his chance to wear the pants in the relationship as the local hicks invade David and Amy's house with the intent to hurt anyone in their way.

I think the perfect choices were made in casting Kate Bosworth and James Marsden as the lead roles. Kate Bosworth is pretty stellar as the wife with all of the cojones in the relationship and James Marsden is entirely believable as the husband who is pushed to his breaking point. Oh, and the hicks are pretty creepy as well, there's an air of menace surrounding them the entire movie which works for the characters they are portraying.

Though not a ton of action occurs in the first hour or so, there's a lot of set up which was necessary to understand what was going on in David's head when things hit their worst point; the expectations of his role as the man in the relationship and his need to protect himself and his wife from anything or anyone else. But once he gets the chance to prove this, Straw Dogs becomes a very thrilling horror movie. The ways that he knocks down the hicks are so fucking awesome and badass, props for using a bear trap in a different way than I have ever seen in any other movie. You know what's going to happen but it's a hell of a ride to watch as David and Amy play cat and mouse with the locals.

Straw Dogs works because it provides a source of tension long before the bloodshed (the awesome, awesome bloodshed) hits the screen. The performances are solid in setting up character arcs that will ultimately be defined and changed in later scenes and Straw Dogs has enough menace to keep audiences entertained from beginning to end even when nothing terribly exciting or gruesome is occurring on screen. It's a bit different than the average horror movie hitting theaters these days and it has a good message about gender definitions and how they can be displayed in just one course of action. Straw Dogs is a must see for those who like a bit of story with their displays of blood and violence.

3/4

Melancholia

Depression is a big bitch. It takes over and weighs so much on people that at times it feels like the world is on their shoulders. And that is what Melancholia is about, a movie divided into two equal parts that both depict how depression can affect us in certain situations.

The first half of the movie is all about Justine (Kirsten Dunst) and her husband Michael (Alexander Skarsgard) at their wedding. Justine tries to her utmost abilities to be happy, but can't seem to overcome her crippling depression which renders her into doing quite...unorthodox things such as; urinating on the golf course, taking a bath, isolating herself like she has the plague, and screwing a new associate hired by her boss. Little things like that tend to screw up someone's wedding. This part also shows how everyone orbiting around Justine tries to deal with this possible catastrophe of a wedding. Her sister Claire (Charlotte Gainsbourg) tries to keep everything together despite feeling many emotions including anger and regret, yet sorrow and empathy towards her sister. Claire's husband John (Kiefer Sutherland) is pretty pissed off considering he paid for the wedding that is now being shot to hell by Justine and her mother Gaby (Charlotte Rampling) being giant sticks in the mud.

The second half of the movie switches things up all together. It focuses on Claire who is anxious, fearful, and clearly depressed about the possibility of a planet named Melancholia destroying the Earth in less than a few days. Her husband tries to reassure her that everything will be okay, but after a while, she even realizes that he has no clue what the hell he's talking about which shoots all chance of calming down straight to Hell. And unlike the first half of the movie where Justine is a depressed wreck, in this situation of waiting for the Earth to end (and being single thanks to her antics), Justine actually manages to keep a cool head on her shoulders strangely enough. She understands the gravity of the situation, but she just doesn't give a shit. In her mind, the Earth is something which isn't worth saving and is filled with evil. So why mourn?

The visuals in Melancholia are easily some of the best visuals I have seen in 2011. The opening, silent scenes depicting the destruction that will ensue with the end of the world are absolutely breathtaking. You just watch in amazement as something so horrible, yet so beautiful takes place before your eyes. It almost doesn't even feel real. And no shit, it's a movie. But still...you can't believe what you're seeing on the screen.

Performances are another area in which Melancholia shines. Kirsten Dunst easily delivers her best performance to date as Justine. Nothing seems contrived or overacted with her performance, homegirl is perfect as a depressed person. Though at times, her antics easily rub you the wrong way, Kirsten Dunst is so effective at portraying inner sorrow and despair that you almost feel bad for her, even when she's screwing everything up for everyone else around her. Charlotte Gainsbourg is easily another stand-out here. The Academy should award both of these women with a Oscar nomination this year. Charlotte's scenes alone with Claire losing her cool and breaking down on screen are some of the most depressing scenes I've seen in a movie in a while and easily should lock her in the "Best Supporting Actress" category. Which probably means she won't get nominated considering I want her and Kirsten to receive those nominations. Fuck.

Melancholia is a beautiful, insightful, and thought provoking movie about depression. The ideas displayed about Justine and Claire with their emotions and actions left me thinking about this movie long after it was over. Let me throw my two cents in about what I think the movie was about; I think the theme was that those who are more inclined to feel depression already feel like the world is ending, so when it did end, it was almost like a giant weight was released off their shoulders. Melancholy is something unavoidable despite your best efforts and can take over you at any time. Those who try to be happy will feel more affected by sadness then those who already live in their own state of doom and gloom. That crisis isn't as detrimental and destructive when you already feel like you're carrying the entire world on your shoulders. One felt that the world was ending in a figurative sense while the other felt it was ending in a literal sense. Isn't it depressing that we really will never know the correct meaning of what this movie meant to portray? Sad. Sad. Sad.

4/4

Carnage

What happens when you take a jump rope and try and stretch it to another country? You're obviously not going to have enough material to fulfill your goal. And that is exactly what is wrong with Carnage, a movie which isn't a movie at all really. Carnage is about two sets of parents who are dealing with a physical fight that their children got into, resulting in one child named Ethan losing two teeth. Zachary's parents (Kate Winslet and Christoph Waltz) and Ethan's parents (Jodie Foster and John C. Reilly) try and deal with their dispute in the most calm and mature fashion possible, but soon after, their claws come out.

Carnage just doesn't have enough going on to really be considered as a movie to me. It runs 75 minutes which is certainly a very short period of time, but there's not much going on at all minus the parents and their arguments, so at times, 75 minutes feels like 7,775 minutes. The performances are all pretty solid though, most noteworthy being Christoph Waltz as Zachary's father, who provides a well-needed source of comedic relief and sour indifference. But overall, Carnage just isn't funny or entertaining enough to be recommended by me. If you want to watch a short, but entertaining and hillarious story about people fighting, just turn on an episode of Jerry Springer and skip Carnage all together.

1/4

The Thing

What is it about? Mary Elizabeth Winstead (from Final Destination 3) plays paleontologist Kate Lloyd, who is recruited by a bunch of Norwegian scientists to help them dig up an unidentified specimen beneath the ice. Once they dig up the creature, it escapes and soon after, it is realized that this creature has the ability to morph into its prey soon after killing it. It now becomes a battle of who can be trusted or not considering the thing has the ability to morph into anyone, anywhere, at anytime.

The positives: For starters, I really enjoyed the performances in this one. It's not your typical horror movie where the best performances are the ones that can be described as the least awful, I actually believed everyone in this movie in the roles they were portraying. Mary Elizabeth Winstead continues to impress as well, I've never seen her in a movie where she underwhelmed, and here, she was perfect as the paleontologist made of intelligence and ability to be a big badass when the time comes. I also enjoyed several other performances, including Eric Christian Olsen (who is miles away from toxic movies like Dumb and Dumberer) as the assistant of the doctor who recruits Kate.

The Thing also managed to bring some suspense into the formula. Several scenes of the thing unleashing itself are quite disturbing and I actually wasn't sure about who it was taking over, so when it eventually came out (in an awesome way), I was a bit taken back which is something I think most horror movies are missing these days; an element of surprise. The idea of paranoia that is present throughout is also something which I find quite chilling. The idea of not being able to trust anyone even if it's your family or a friend is something I think everyone finds a bit ominous. This movie plays with that idea pretty well in my opinion.

The bad: I don't really have a ton of negatives about The Thing, but one area I felt The Thing was a bit lacking was in the special effects. At times, it had the looks and feel of a video game and well...I didn't pay $1.50 (Thank god for the dollar theater) to watch someone perform a video game on screen. Granted, watching an alien/spider hybrid jumping out of people isn't something I would call realistic, but still, I would like to see it done as realisticly as possible which is an area I feel that The Thing was lacking a bit at times.

Overall: The Thing is a pretty solid horror movie which I feel isn't a remake that destroys the original. The performances are pretty solid throughout, there's some suspense and surprise that will keep audiences entertained and I enjoyed the theme of paranoia and distrust that the alien made the characters go through as opposed to most movies where it's just, "Chase, Attack, Chase, Attack". It's a thing of a different horror movie class.

3/4

The Human Centipede 2

What is it about? As one killer in an infamous horror movie exclaimed, “Movies don’t create psychos. Movies make psychos more creative”. And that’s the basic premise of The Human Centipede II, which is about a man named Martin (Laurence R. Harvey) who is so infatuated with the original Human Centipede that he decides to create a centipede of his own, this time with twelve people instead of three.

Positives; Well, for one, Human Centipede II easily accomplishes what it sets out to do; shock the audience from beginning to end. Through its dark and dismal use of colors, unsettling and ominous performance lead, and a story that just moves from worse, to really awful, to well….even more awful. I can easily say that I was rattled while watching the HC2 from beginning to end. It just gets worse and worse as time moves on, becoming almost unwatchable by the time that Martin has created his masterpiece. So yes, in terms of pure horror, the Human Centipede 2 is a success.

They really couldn’t have picked a better actor to play Martin either. Seriously, this guy couldn’t get any creepier in terms of looks or actions. I wouldn’t be surprised if the actor in real life celebrated the premiere of this movie by lighting a nunnery on fire. HC2 is unsettling even when he isn’t working with his centipede. The scenes alone with his mother and therapist will give you goose bumps just because you don’t really know what he is going to do next. A fear of the unknown is very prevalent throughout this movie. Not a ton of other actors really get a chance to shine in this movie, though there is an amusing cameo from Ashlynn Yennie as an actress about to receive her most unsettling role yet; an actual participant in the centipede.

Negatives; Though I will definitely say that HC2 is a creepy, disturbing, disgusting, and unforgettable movie, at times I felt like I was watching the world’s grossest one-trick pony. From the opening scenes alone, you get that he is going to replicate the centipede and you comprehend that he is off his rocker. I felt like too many scenes just beat these points into the ground a bit more than needed. Maybe one or two scenes of him ominously looking around, planning his next move, or contently watching the original Human Centipede could have been cut out. And once he is done assembling his centipede, did we really need that many minutes of the centipede moving around with Martin staring at it with love in his eyes? We get it. Dude is in love with his work.

The bottom line; Overall, I would say that the Human Centipede II succeeds in what it sets out to do; shock and disturb the audience with a movie that will stay in your memory for a long ass time. Sure, it’s a bit repetitive and there really isn’t much else to it besides watching a mad man create the project of his dreams, but then again, that was pretty much the point; to demonstrate obsession and possible creation in its sickest and most demented form. And the worst part; it’s probably going to inspire someone out there to take this movie into their own hands. Yeah. Doesn’t that suck ass? Pun intended. 

2/4

Paranormal Activity 3

 Santa read my Christmas letter early this year, well, he read about 1% of it but still, he read it. Some of my biggest complaints about Paranormal Activity 1 and 2 were that the whole thing reeked of a bad YouTube video with amateur performances and a total lack of scares or excitement. Paranormal Activity 3 easily improves in categories, slamming the other two movies into the ground and easily earning the title of best Paranormal Activity movie of the three, for me.

What is this movie about? Paranormal Activity 3 starts off right before the first two movies begin. In 2005, Katie (Katie Featherston) gives her sister Kristi (Sprague Grayden) a box of old videotapes. A year later, someone has broken into Kristi’s house, stealing all of the tapes that Katie gave her sister. We then travel back to 1988, with the young Kristi (Jessica Tyler Brown ) and Katie (Chloe Csengery ) having their first ghostly experiences alongside their mother Julie (Lauren Bittner) and her boyfriend Dennis (Christopher Nicholas Smith).

The positives: As I mentioned before, Paranormal Activity 3 easily owns the other two movies in terms of scares. This is the first movie of the three where I didn’t feel like the only people who should be afraid of what’s occurring onscreen are those under ten; this one actually is pretty gnarly in terms of frights. One of the ways in which I feel the movie has improved in terms of frights is through the use of the cameras. In this movie, a camera is attached to a moving fan, so slowly but surely, it moves from room to room, making the viewer hold their breath the entire time as to what’s going to be onscreen in the next room. A scene using this trick, involving the babysitter, is so badass and creepy; this scene alone makes Paranormal Activity 3 superior to the other two movies in my opinion. And as for the ending…though I have to disagree with the slogan of, “It will change your life”, I have to admit it was pretty damn excruciating at times. You really don’t know what’s going to happen next and a fear of the unknown is one that a lot of people can admit to. Though, if you have seen the first two, you know what has to happen to a few of the characters, the way in which it occurs will make you jump. Or at least think twice before leaving all the lights on in your house….or visiting a relative. Just saying.

Excluding the scares, Paranormal Activity 3 is also improved because of the improved performances and writing. Don’t get me wrong, I’m not expecting anyone in this movie to be receiving a knock on the door from Mr. Oscar anytime soon, but at least it’s not as cringe worthy as trying to watch the cast members in the first two pretend to act like humans. This one is actually pretty tolerable and I must say that the little girls who play Katie and Kristi do a damn fine job in this. I also liked how this movie played with a side of humor that the first two didn’t really explore at all. Paranormal Activity 3 is actually quite funny, most noteworthy being a scene with Dennis’s friend and a particularly risky game of Bloody Mary.

The negatives: Well, for one, if you’ve watched any of the trailers, you’re going to realize that a lot of scenes from them are not in the final movie. Which was kind of disappointing, especially considering some of the potential awesome thrills that could have been had from the Bloody Mary scenes and the scene where one of the girls (I think Kristi) jumped off the railing and ran up the stairs at a speed level that would make athletes eat their hearts out.

 And though the ending is pretty terrifying, I think it could have been planned out a bit better. I don’t want to spoil too much, but the reasoning behind the ghostly force being present isn’t exactly the most satisfactory or original *CoughTheLastExorcismCough*. It moves a bit further away from the paranormal and more into evil cults which well…isn’t what Paranormal Activity isn’t about at all, so it felt kind of strange why the ending needed to take this odd route to the finish line.

Overall though, I was quite pleased with Paranormal Activity 3. Unlike the first two in the series, I actually felt like I was watching a quality horror movie as opposed to a YouTube video where something “unexpectedly” jumps out just as the video is ending. The performances are pretty solid, the writing has improved and brought a more entertaining and fresh perspective to the series, and there’s actually a lot of frightening scenes here which I’m definitely all for. Just please don’t do a part four. I’m dead serious. If I even hear of a part four being made, the idea alone will send a chill down my spine that will make the last 15 minutes of this movie seem like child’s play in terms of pure horror.

3/4

Wrong Turn 4

I kind of wanna give it 2 stars for the lol ending but that would include me forgetting the 92 minutes prior to it

1/4

The Immortals

The plot: The Heraklion King of Crete, Hyperion (Mickey Rourke) starts a war with Olympus after the Gods answer his prayers. He also starts searching for the Epirus Bow, which he intends to use to release the Titans from Mount Tartarus and destroy all of the gods. The only people that have any chance of stopping him are a small group of individuals, mainly the virgin oracle priestess Phaedra (Frieda Pinto) and Theseus (Henry Cavill).

The good: This is a bit hard for me considering I find there to be very little redeeming about Immortals, but I will say the special effects and scenery are certainly worth of honorable mentions. Whoever worked on the effects deserves an Academy award nomination, the locations of the movie are beautiful and though the effects tend to wear out their welcome at the end (this will be mentioned more so in the other column), they are certainly the best thing about this movie. If you are someone who is into the CGI and all that stuff...this is the movie for you.

The bad: Immortals is full of bad. Bad meets bad who cheated on worse. First off, the performances are a big problem here. Henry Cavill is more rigid than the swords he yields as the lied Theseus. There is not one moment of passion or energy throughout any of his scenes. Stiff as a board, he might as well be reading out of a History textbook. And as gorgeous as Frieda Pinto is, her character is pretty pointless as well. She's given nothing to do sadly which I'll blame more on the bad writing than her. Everyone else is just ridiculously overdone here, especially Stephen Dorff as the "comic relief" and Mickey Rourke as the antagonist.

The writing is another huge issue, it's laughable. I've seen more realistic, plausible, and informative dialogue on Spongebob. The characters are paper thin and you don't really understand what's so special about any of them. Isn't Greek mythology all about the grandeur, power, strength, and courage of the people who are involved in the stories? You don't find out anything about any of them, so there's absolutely no reason to care about what's going on with them.

And to make matters worse, Immortals is just boring as hell. It's like a bad knockoff of 300 minus the fun and adding a ton of cheesy dialogue and uninteresting stories. Nothing intriguing happens from beginning to end and the fighting is almost painful to watch by the end. Once you've seen one person get their head bashed off/in, you've seen it all. Only one fight in the movie stood out to me (even though you can barely tell what's going on at times), and you have to wait over an hour and a half to get to it. Talk about payoff.

The gist: Immortals is just a big fail of an action movie about Greek mythology. It takes an interesting subject and sumo wrestles it into the ground, producing a tedious, wooden, poorly acted and written montonous disease that takes forever to end. Playing Halo for 2 hours straight will give you a better payoff than the Immortals; awesome special effects + the ability to be entertained- the need to watch ten dollars fly into the trash quicker than a rat.

1/4