Wrong Turn 5

I don't know what's more depressing; the fact that the Wrong Turn series is still around despite sucking the roof off for 3 entries now, or the fact that I keep watching them despite all of their....roof sucking. It's comical how not only is Wrong Turn 5 easily one of the worst movies of the year, possibly even the decade, but what's also humorous is that it outblows part 4 by a lightyear.

Wrong Turn 5 takes place in West Virginia (which is about the only similarity to past entries) and it's about a bunch of kids on their way to a festival that's in the same area as where the mutants are having a party of their own. And during the process, the leader of the mutants is locked up in the local jail where he proceeds to taunt the head officer with death threats the whole time about how she "won't live to see tomorrow". Good times.

Wrong Turn 5 is such an epic failure that listing every fault is like listing how many rocks are on the ground. The performances are equivalent in talent level to people who have a pulse and are willing to embarass themselves on camera. The story managed to get even more paper thin then the last entry which is quite the feat. The effects are even worse than the last one, the creatures now look like Orange, overtanned, masked monsters and in some scenes you can even see their "faces" crumbling off. Add in a complete lack of scares, humor, or fun, and you have a movie that will make you feel as if you're missing a chromosome or two by its dismal ending.

0/4



Silent Hill: Revelation

One thing that's become pretty apparent to me these days is how strong of an indicator the preview for a movie is in showing how great/terrible the movie will be or not. If the preview is busted, then the movie will probably be busted. If the preview is great, well...then there's still a chance that the movie will be busted. Not learning from these lessons has resulted in me suffering from cruel and unsual punishments, like a viewing of Silent Hill: Revelation for example.

Silent Hil: Revelation stars Adelaide Clemens as Heather Silva, the daughter of the mother in the first movie who is stuck in Silent Hill as a result of her attempt to keep her daughter away from all of the dangers that reside in Silent Hill. Well, the residents of Silent Hill want Heather back, sending several people from the cult that run Silent Hill to kidnap her father in order to lure her back to their town. Along the way there's demons created by Alessa who want Heather dead.

Silent Hill is such an utter disaster it's really hard to determine where the blame should go to. Every performance is dull as dirt and as authentic as the creatures running amok in the movie. The story feels like it was pasted from 10 other movies put together, often resembling one of the many busted Nightmare on Elm Street sequels as opposed to a stand-out movie that's only the second one of its' particular franchise. It's completely sleep-inducing throughout, there's nothing scary or remotely interesting going on from beginning to end. And the effects are terrible, it's like your watching a bizzare combination of a cartoon, a video game, and a pack of Crayola created creatures. Add on a completely routine and uninspiring sequel that hints at a third entry into the series, and you have a movie that makes you feel as if you were rotting in Purgatory about a thousand times more than any character in this movie would ever had to endure.

0/4

Sinister

Most horror movies today seem to bring the gore and the guts, but lack the spirit and the fun over why horror movies are such a good time. Not many these days bring both elements to the table keeping a good balance between the terror given to your eyes and the terror given to your mind. Sinister is quite the exception actually, showing that you don't need shit splattered every two seconds to give a good scare.

Sinister stars Ethan Hawke as Ellison, a writer who gets his buck off of writing novels about graphic murders. He's presented more material than he was ready for by investigating his new case, where a little girl goes missing but the rest of her family is found hanging around in trees....literally. After discovering tapes of previous graphic murders of entire families, he realizes that the cases are connected and that the culprit is a lot closer than originally imagined.

Sinister can be quite bonechilling at times. The scenes of the previous murders will easily resonate in your memory for weeks, possibly even months to come. Families are tied to chairs that are being pushed into pools, families have their throats slit, are burned alive in cars, and in easily the most disturbing of them all....you watch a family have an unpleasant, very close encounter with a lawn mower. Weirdest thing is that you rarely see anything on the films, but they hit you as if you were watching a local news story depicting a graphic crime. Creepy shit.

Sinister also doesn't overcomplicate things which is a large strength that plays to the movie's success. There aren't 10,000 characters that show up in 1 scene just to be slaughtered, there aren't 1 million other subplots, and the story doesn't feel the need to overcomplicate things just for the saking of confusing the hell out of everyone. There is a big twist at the end (which is also quite thrilling), but the movie still manages to stay on track as opposed to falling off the cliff at the very end.

I do have some minor nitpicks about Sinister though. They are very minor, but I felt if these things were quite different, the movie could have been even stronger. At times, the movie feels like a dead ringer to The Ring (no pun intended). Evil videotapes with monsters that pounce after a certain amount of time is certainly a creepy idea, but at times it almost feels like a spin-off of The Ring as opposed to a fresh idea. And, I felt that the movie took a bit of time to kick off. It goes from about 20mph to 90mph, just when you feel like it's going nowhere, Sinister begins to slay. Despite these nitpickings, Sinister still proves that if the talent is present, a simple idea can really deliver on the premise of creating pure evil.

3/4