Piranha 3D

When I first saw the trailers for Piranha, I was actually pretty excited. I knew it would be dumb as fuck, but was hoping that it was going to have frights and humor as well. Unfortunately, I was wrong about this. Piranha really isn't that scary, nor is it really funny.

The biggest problem with Piranha is that it's just so half-assed in everything it does. The death scenes are graphic, but minus the big attack scene (which is probably one of my favorite death scenes in a horror movie since Ghost Ship), the demises of these characters just feels awfully tame. Once you've seen one person get eaten by a piranha (with some really cheesy special effects), you've seen them all.

There's very little humor in Piranha as well. I feel like there was some good comedic material behind the premise of piranhas devouring horny teenagers on Spring Break, but the movie is just too lazy to discover this material. Instead, you're left feeling really bored and underwhelmed especially in the level of comedy. Except for maybe Jerry O' Connell's death scene, that was kinda funny.

I was actually pretty surprised of how dull Piranha was. The first half is literally nothing but tits (though Kelly Brook is a babe, probably one of the things closest to being a highlight) and talking (with nothing really interesting being said). It's just total filler and a giant waste of half the movie. Piranha could have been a 20 minute Scifi channel movie based on how thin the narrative is played out.

Piranha is a big disappointment even for trashy horror movies. It's too stupid to really be funny, it's too dull to be scary, and there's just nothing memorable enough to even make this movie stand-out amongst all the other shitty movies in this genre. Just keep swimming, swimming...away from this bullshit.

1/4



Sucker Punch

Solid fantasy movies take you to another world. A place that you never would believe in a million years that it could actually exist, but that doesn't stop you from almost wanting to be there. A place that defies logic but looks so incredible that you don't even give a shit. Sucker Punch is definitely a movie that succeeds in the outrageous, yet stunning fantasy that is depicted.

Sucker Punch starts off in an interesting way. There is absolutely no dialogue at all for the first 10 minutes or so, which draws the viewer in more then it would have with tons of talking. The music video style that is used throughout helps especially in these scenes where the characters aren't saying a word. Babydoll (beautifully played by Emily Browning) is the quintessence if innocence in this movie. She looks like and acts like someone's beautiful little angel, but as we learn in later scenes...she knows how to beat a bitch as well.

The fighting scenes in this movie are amazing. They are in co-existence with the real-life scenes which adds to the tension of the girls having to defeat their enemies in the dream world that Babydoll creates, and the real world of the people who couldn't give two fucks if the girls live or die. Zach Snyder has expanded upon his creativity from 300. The fighting scenes draw you in and hold you once you're there.

The movie also contains a few twists that you really will be sucker punched by. While a lot of action movies are totally predictable from beginning to end, this one is different. You really don't know what could happen to these girls, especially when a few of them are put in these life or death situations that occur throughout. Sucker Punch is entertaining and enthralling from beginning to end.

Sucker Punch is a solid fantasy movie from beginning to end. The acting is stellar (especially from Emily Browning and Abbie Cornish), the visuals are breathtaking, and the story really does go in certain directions that you didn't see coming. Sucker punches really do occur from beginning to end.

3/4



Hanna

I knew nothing about this movie before I started watching it, and in a weird way, I think that's the best way to watch something like this. Not knowing too much which as a result, can keep your expectations pretty low.

First off, I have to talk about Saoirse Ronan's performance as Hanna. I think this girl is such a star, I loved her in this movie and in Atonement, and to her credit...she was the best thing about The Lovely Bones, slow narration and all. She not only gives Hanna the attitude of a total badass who will snap your neck before you can even blink, but she even gives her a heart and soul as well. Amongst the chasing and killing that goes on through the movie, there are some scenes which are surprisingly effective.

The story is another strength as well. It pretty much is easily able to reach out to a broad number of people. It's active enough to satisfy those who like a little brain action with their adventure, and it's easy enough to comprehend to those who don't really like thinking that much when they are watching a movie like this. How many action movies in this time can say that they do that? Not many.

Speaking of the action, I was quite impressed. The editing of the scenes was awesome. Unlike most action movies, I actually was excited to watch the scenes where Hanna totally laid the hurt down. It's not like most action movies where you're pretty much watching 2 hours of someone's computer generated effects. Hanna looks really real in the fighting scenes, which I have to give some credit for.

Hanna is a fantastic movie. A lovely surprise in a quite dismal year so far. I recommend it to those who like exciting action movies, and to those who like thinking and watching in amazement at the same time. The performances and story are as strong as the action scenes, which pretty much just make Hanna an awesome movie for just about anyone. :)

3/4



Where the Wild Things are

You know when you get a present that looks so awesome and cool from the outside, but once you get more familiar with the contents of the present, you find that it's really disappointing and no match to the outside of it? That's Where The Wild Things Are in a nutshell. It's a beautiful, pointless bore.

WTWTA starts off really...terribly. The little kid is annoying as fuck and acts like he belongs in a mental institution. He's obnoxious, has weird outbursts, and even bites his Mom like she's a fucking happy meal. I think the viewer was supposed to find these scenes as funny or cute. They're not at all, they're just ridiculous and weird.

Once he meets the wild things, the movie starts to rise for a bit. All of the creatures are beautifully created, and the actors providing their voices to the characters really give a heart and soul to these animals, which are a lot more similar to the little boy then you would imagine. But, after he originally meets the monsters, things go back downhill.

For creatures labeled as "wild things", these creatures really aren't wild, or terribly interesting at all. In fact, they could easily be people who just haven't shaved in like..decades. There's never really any tension or suspense in this movie. It's pretty much just countless scene after scene of tedious conversation that goes absolutely nowhere and doesn't serve a point at all. It's talking just for the sole purpose of saying something, while ironically not saying anything at all.

The movie just lacks any focus or point at all. You don't really learn anything about the child, and you rarely hear anything about the monsters. Scenes about those two subjects sure as hell would have been a lot more interesting then watching the monsters jump on each other while building forts and all that bullshit.

WTWTA just fails to really do...anything. It's not entertaining, there really is no heart or brain to anything that occurs throughout the movie. You don't really care what happens as a result of the lack of tension and insanely unlikeable lead character. The visuals are beautiful and the actors voicing the monsters are pretty much the only highlight. Some books should never be made into movies, and that is a category where WTWTA lies. A pointless bore.

2/4

The Lovely Bones



The Lovely Bones is easily one of my biggest disappointments of 2009. The acting is great and the visuals and cinematography are beautiful. And unfortunately, that's where the praise runs out for me.

First off, one of my biggest problems was the narration. The main character lays it on so thick that it almost takes away from the gravity of her situation. Seriously, everything she says issssss likeeeeeee soooooooo slowwwwww forrrrr emphaassssiisssss. It gets old quickly.

I also had problems with the way in which all the characters dealt with the murder. Susie's parents act in the total clichéd way, and the movie never really shows us the authentic grief that parents who just lost a child would feel. Susan Sarandon shows up in the middle for some really awkward attempts at humor. And about 5 minutes after Susie is murdered and dismembered, she's off dancing and Vogue-ing in the in between world with this other dead chick. Yeah, cause that's plausible.

Another thing that kind of bugged me was the motivation of the killer. You never really understand why he is doing what is he doing. All of his scenes just feel so...lame. There's no element of surprise or mystery, all of his scenes seem like something you would see off of a version of Susie's story on the Lifetime channel.

Overall, The Lovely Bones just doesn't measure up to the awesome performances. It's too long, too nonsensical, and too silly to really be able to fully express Susie's story to the best way. The problem is that real emotion isn't displayed on screen, but someone's performance of emotion. It's just..fake all-around.

1/4

Scream 4

For me....I've been counting down the days for this to come out ever since I saw the third one. I love the Scream series and will always be a fan of them. It's cool that even with all the torture, hillbilly, monster, etc franchises out there...there's one that sticks true to its' roots. There is no mystical force or trap that will cut you apart limb by limb this movie. It's just an old-fashioned killing spree done by people that you probably know and have close contact with.

First off, the positives. Well, in addition to loving the original three, I really liked some of the new cast members as well. I thought Kirby was a breath of fresh air in the series, and I also enjoyed Allison Brie's role as Sid's publicist and I liked the movie geek as well (can't remember his name at the moment). As for the entertainment level, I believe it was very high. The beginning is absolutely perfect. You're holding your breath and laughing your ass off at the same time. The first 10 minutes is spot on in its' hilarity and chills.

 I was entertained from beginning to end, and actually appreciated that the characters had dialogue that just wasn't focused on sex and swearing like a lot of other teen horror movies. It's cool that Wes Craven actually depicts these teenagers as people with....well, brains. The kills are pretty graphic as well, I'll go out on a limb and say that Olivia's death is easily the most brutal murder of the four movies. And that's a pretty big accomplishment considering some of the harsh murders in the past (Tatum, Casey and Steve, the couple in the beginning of Scream 2, and...well, nothing in Scream 3).

The identity of the killers is pretty surprising as well, and I found their motive to be, well, relevant. It's all about fame these days, and what people will be wiling to go to in order to achieve it. I liked how the reasoning was simple and straight-forward, as opposed to Scream 3 where it was this fairly lame, kinda ridiculous explanation. Scream 4 achieves frights and humor, which seems to be something that many recent horror movies try to do...but end up failing at.

Now, for the negatives. First off, I read that there were a ton of reshoots for certain scenes, and well...i think that hurt the movie at times. If you watch the trailers, several parts were cut out that I think could have given more characterization to Scream. After all, the Scream series has always been about giving you characters that you care about, so when they meet their bloody demises...you actually feel something when they die. Several characters in this movie might as well have been called, "That soon to be dead dude/chick".Another thing that kinda bugged me was the ending, well, in certain aspects of the ending. Like I said before, I liked being surprised with who the killer was and I found the scenes where they were recreating the scene from the original movie to be quite hilarious. But, I felt like it went on for way too long. The scenes in the hospital just seemed so unnecessary to me.

Overall though, I was quite impressed with Scream 4 and consider it to be a solid entry into the Scream franchise. Bring on number 5!

3/4

Green Hornet



The Green Hornet is just a giant fail of a movie all together. There's really nothing noteworthy here at all.

First off, a big problem I have with it was the length. It lasts for about 2 hours and feels like it lasts about an entire day. Seriously, dying and being brought back to life would feel short and brief compared to one viewing of The Green Hornet. I have rarely seen a superhero movie that can't be packaged into a nice 90 minute length, and TGH is certainly not an exception to my belief about superhero movies.

TGH also seems to have no point to it at all. As a comedy, it just falls down the stairs all together.There's really nothing humorous about any of their situations, and the writing feels like it was created by someone who just entered middle school. Seth Rogen just totally hams it up and the result just proves that less is more, in every case. The whole movie is just a juvenile and lame attempt at providing hip humor on screen for those who gobble up frat boy humor like it belongs at Thanksgiving.

The action scenes are tedious and mind numbing as well. They go on for way too long and once you've seen one fighting scene in TGH, you've seen them all. At about an hour length, I asked "Has anything even happened yet??". Nothing happens in TGH. People talk and fight but there's no real reason or joy involved in it. It's just a movie that was made for the soul purpose of making a movie that would earn a pretty fair amount at the box office. The Green Hornet is overlong, unfunny, tedious, and worthless. Save your $10 and a mind numbing trip into movie wasteland and just avoid this at all costs. This will easily go down as one of the worst movies of 2011 for me.

0/4



Halloween 2

Call me a weenie but Jesus Christ why is this movie so Damn angry!?

1/4



The Box

Sometimes I feel like directors sit around and ponder things like, "Hmm, if we make a movie that will make people think, will we get tons of brownie points even if the movie doesn't make one bit of sense?". The Box is one of those movies. Not one bit of this goddamn shit is anything dealing with logic.

First off, the performances are so flat overall. This is easily Cameron Diaz's worst performance in years, if not ever. She sounds so monotone the whole time and her accent is totally ridiculous. It's like equivalent to speaking in a Texan accent after getting into a losing battle with Vodka. Sandy from Spongebob is less laughable as a true Texan. James Marsden doesn't fare much better either, his role is pretty much sized up as looking shocked or looking confused. Get that Oscar, dude.

My biggest problem with this movie (or at least..one of the main ones)....NOTHING MAKES SENSE. Holy shit, the plot is like taking about 50 different things, throwing them at the screen, and seeing what sticks. Nothing works together and if you really think about it, the movie gives you way more questions then it does with answers. You never really buy the characters' motivations in this movie. Yes, they need the money, but for people who are as educated and well-spoken as these two..they sure act like a bunch of bumfucks who consider a dollar as a ton of money. After the button is pushed, things just go totally downhill. People show up (generally with bloody noses), act weird as fuck (generally laughing while doing this), and really serve no purpose to the plot. It was just like a lame attempt at trying to be scary, at which the movie also fails considering nothing scary happens within the two hour length. The ending/twist is a total joke also. It just doesn't really explain itself well and you're left scratching your head more then you are admiring the creativity within the premise. The movie was based on a classic episode of the Twilight Zone called "Button, Button". I would say your way better off just looking up that for free instead of investing any time, energy, or thought into The Box.

1/4

First post

Will be updating this with movie shit soon. Yeah. :)