I get bored with shit easily so I'm going to temporarily start up a new format called P.I.G.S. Which stands for;
P. Plot
I. Introduction of opinions
G. Good stuff
S. Shitty stuff
Let's try this out! :)
P- It's been about a year since the piranhas invaded Lake Victoria and they're back for more flesh. Maddy (Danielle Panabaker) comes back for the Summer to check on the progress of her water park, which has now been turned into a tits, booze, and water infested playground by her stepdad (David Koechner). He comes up with the bright idea of draining the lake's water for the theme park, giving the piranhas a direct extension to a buffet of Maddy, her fellow employees, and all of the park's guests.
I- I'll just summarize it easily, I think Piranha 3DD is easily one of the worst movies of 2012. There's very little (if any) redeeming factors here. It's really like watching a 90 minute beer commercial if the chicks got naked and then murdered at the end of it. How the franchise has two movies to its' name is a mystery and if this franchise expands into a third movie, then piranhas should just be let loose into the theater to end moviegoers' misery.
G- Like I've mentioned before, the good is very small in this movie. I will say that minus signing up for this movie, Danielle Panabaker actually gets out of this movie the least unscathed, as she's probably the only performer that shouldn't be sent to the Razzies ASAP after finishing this movie. Hmm, it's also quite bloody as well. How the murders are done, I'll discuss in a different paragraph but hey....Kool-Aid/blood ftw. And I can't lie, hearing the line, "Josh cut off his penis because something came out of my vagina", was a guilty, if very slight humorous moment of this movie. A scene with a surviving character from the original movie did provide some fun as well.
S- First off, the acting....oh God, where to begin. The performances range from God-awful to, "Your mother is screaming in her grave due to what you're doing", and sadly most of them fall in the latter category as opposed to the former. The death scenes are painfully fake as well, the piranhas look like action figures, you can smell the plastic off the fake limbs that are thrown everywhere, and like I said....Kool-Aid blood all-around. And the story is an exact copy of the original, which was already as substantial as a piece of thread. The movie tries to throw comedy and horror in the blender to mix and ends up about as appetizing as a protein shake. Do yourself a favor and avoid this movie like the main stars avoid clothing.
0.5
1/4
1/4
