Ugh. Just when I was starting to warm up to the Paranormal Activity franchise they had to do this shit to me. I actually quite enjoyed part 3 and though part 4 was terribly unnecessary, it wasn't really painful to watch. This laughable entry (which for some dumb reason isn't being labeled as number 5) is back down in the dumps with number 1 and 2. It's ghastly and horrifying but for all the wrong reasons.
Andrew Jacobs plays Jesse, the ridiculously bland lead who is unlucky enough to be the cursed one. Fun fact, I had actually had to look on IMDB to remember what the character's name was. Shows how much I was paying attention. But anyways, after an elderly, possible witch of a neighbor is killed, him and his equally fun to watch friend; Hector (Jorge Diaz) start snooping around where they shouldn't and well...if you've seen at least one movie in your life or are over the age of five you should be able to tell me what happens.
I just can't fathom how this movie was released into theaters or how it has fans. I knew I wasn't watching 12 Years A Slave/Gravity worthy material but goddamn it there's just no life here (all puns intended). The performances are ridiculously lazy and uninteresting, the characters have no personalities and could have been killed by a ghost or a demon or a killer cold for all I cared within minutes. The dialogue feels terribly forced, the costumes look Walmart-y and there's no wit or frights to be found. I bitched about the first couple of movies in the series being lazy and unimaginative but they were Spielberg worthy compared to what's on screen this time. Real black magic can be found within these movies but it's not on screen; it occurs whenever any entry after this gets signed off to be viewed by the public.
Rating: 0/4
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