Body at Brighton Rock

Once "Point of No Return" ends the movie follows the same direction. Goes for slow burn but turns into forest fire. 1/4

Bordello of Blood

Complete ham and cheese sandwich but at least it's a fun piece of deli meat to consume. 2/4

Leatherface

Sooo fuck me and my fantasy of these Chainsaw remakes/reboots getting any better right? 0/4

Resolution

Resolution...get one 1/4

A Dark Song

I just didn't give two Shits about anything going on here. The scene with the smoking man was 100/10 and if we could have stayed in that direction I could have at least gone with a 2/4. But nope, we sunk the ship further with that ending. 

1/4

Tales of Halloween

So it's clear what movie we were shooting for, but too many "Tales" end up making this feel like a trick more than a treat 

2/4 

 

Black Rock

Just like Deliverance!.....excluding the first seven letters.

1/4

Monster's Ball

Halle Berry gets straight up Phantom of the Opera in this at times and no one can tell me otherwise. But it's still a really beautiful movie about ugly situations and how we see the light through it all. 

3/4

Climax

As stimulating and involving as showing up 2 hours late to a drunken party, Climax will give you none of the sort. 

1/4

 

3 From Hell

The real 3 from Hell are the ones who decided to turn all this into a fucking sitcom. Feels more like RuPaul Zombie then Rob Zombie, his worst movie to date. 

1/4

Bliss

It's like if The Neon Demon and Requiem for a Dream had a baby that gave no reasons to care about it

1/4

 

The Devil All the Time

Soooo was UnPleasantville already taken as a title? Really fascinating look at everything ugly about religion. And we can all agree that the real devil all the time was the person who created that spider scene AmIrite?

3/4

The Babysitter: Killer Queen

 Like everything and everyone else in the world, it could have used **SPOILER** more Samara Weaving, but it still retains the loveable crackhead energy of the original regardless. 

3/4

Gerald's Game

 So between this and the Haunting of Hill House, it's safe to say Carla Gugino enjoys being a motivational spirit, can she be mine? Anywho, this was a bit of a mixed bag. Definitely starts off strong, if your fears of claustrophobia and hell, even wrist wrash don't kick in, bless your soul, but it kind of slowly loses steam. The scenes with the Daddy issues feel a bit hammy and on the nose, at times you're not sure if this is going for a mental health type of fear or Cujo but in a bed. Gugino gives it her all and this is one that really could have failed if not for her sheer dedication in a role where she's mainly playing off herself, but for a movie with game in the title, it doesn't play back. Irony being that for a majority of the movie, she may be shackled, but the movie lumbers along.

2/4

The Beach House

 A big, soggy mess that tries to dry itself off with a nutty conclusion long after any fucks remain. 

1/4

Super Dark Times

 The first half and the second half go together like Barbie's head on Ken's body. Should have been called super murky times.

2/4

The Blackcoat's Daughter

 

Let me tell you all the Shit I hated about this movie;

1. That I fell asleep the first time I tried to watch it.

2. That it is impossible to be nearly as perfect as Lucy Boynton is here no matter how many times I write Santa.

3. That more accolades aren't given to Kiernan off this performance, she's bone chilling here. 

3/4

Z

More like zzzzzzz in terms of resonance but it has a few good jump scares and easily the most unintentionally hilarious wedding ever. 

2/4

Tigers Are Not Afraid

 A really beautiful movie about really ugly situations. And yes, this is pretty much the most GDT inspired movie ever that wasn't made by him. Cue the awful pun ahead, but I present.... Guillermo Del Sorrow. 

3/4

The New Mutants

 Not as bad as we were expecting (maybe even anticipating), but the whole thing just feels like a big bowl of ice cream that's been left out for too long and stirred with by the creators too many times. 

2/4

1BR

 Why do white girls named Sara(h) have a fetish for getting themselves into some Shit?? Kind of felt like the lovechild of The Invitation and Channel Zero: Butcher's Block...minus the cannibalism...sadly. 

If you have to guess which side of the fence I'm on by that description clearly this is your first review of mine you are reading. 

3/4

Vivarium

 It's a little bottle rocket that zips down the street for 90 minutes but never rises above that to soar. 

2/4

The Night Clerk

Well, light as a feather is usually a compliment, but this movie needed the weight and meat of the bird that it's lacking. This cast deserved a Turkey. 

2/4

What Keeps You Alive

 "I don't know and I don't care" is one of my favorite replies but least favorite feelings about lead characters. That issue drives this down from a nail biter to a nail tapper. 

2/4

We Summon the Darkness

 Sort of fun, mainly thanks to Daddario, but wins the award for worst timing ever. The phrase is pull the rug out from UNDER the audience, not 50 feet away from them. 

2/4

A Simple Favor

Just as scrumdiddlyumptious as Gone Girl but better dressed and more lolzy.

3/4

Excision

Aka Lizzie McGuire's worst day ever. Really involving from beginning to end and that end is a kick to the every reproductive organ you can find.

3/4 

Top Whore-Ers of the 2010's

2010
5. The Crazies
4. Insidious
3. Shutter Island
2. Let Me In
1. Black Swan

Great way to start off the decade! It's an easy choice for Black Swan, but Let Me In was beautiful and the other three were batshit nuts as well.

2011
5. Absentia
4. Final Destination 5
3. Scream 4
2. You're Next
1. The Skin I Live In

Finally I'm not choosing the popular choice! The Skin I Live In was brilliant and just gets more demented the more it unravels.

2012
5. Maniac
4. Excision
3. Sinister
2. Frankenweenie
1. Cabin in the Woods

Me putting an animated movie on just for having elements of horror should show you what I think of this year in a nutshell. It couldn't be anything but Cabin in the Woods though.

2013
5. Curse of Chucky
4. Carrie
3. Green Inferno
2. Oculus
1. The Conjuring

As much as they've played out The Conjuring/Nun/Annabelle/Daughter's Niece's sister of Annabelle franchise, The Conjuring was the perfect jump scare movie, a cinematic roller coaster that doesn't ease up.

2014
5. The Guest
4. Housebound
3. The Babadook
2. Starry Eyes
1. It Follows

Can I please just list my top 3 all as one movie? No. Okay then, It Follows wins by a hair. And HM to Zombeavers, shut up, it was hilarious.


2015
5. The Invitation
4. The Final Girls
3. The Blackoat's Daughter
2. Southbound
1. The Witch

Year of the slow burn right? I'd say everything but The Final Girls falls into that category. Despite the super natural elements, I felt that The Witch perfectly demonstrated the greatest and most prevalent form of evil that there is; fucking people.

2016
5. Split
4. Hush
3. Raw
2. Train to Busan
1. The Neon Demon

I kind of love that two of my top 5 are foreign films, and one barely includes any dialogue at all. Language diversity! You should know by now I love rabbit down the hole in the pursuit of success movies and couldn't ride with anything else but The Neon Demon.

2017
05. Anna and the Apocalypse
04. Shape of Water
03. It
02. Get Out
01. The Killing of A Sacred Deer

This was a terrific year! I'll probably expand this into a top 10 once I see a few more things on my watch list. Update on my #1! TKOASD rattled me to the bone unlike no other.

2018

5. Unsane
4. Incident in a Ghostland
3. Terrified
2. Sharp Objects
1. Hereditary

This was a pretty fair year overall, yes I am cheating by putting a mini-series @ number 2, but fuck it, watch that show and tell me it didn't fill you with more dread than just about anything that came out that year. Hereditary was a complete shit show from beginning to end (in the best way possible), and therefore gets my vote.

2019
5. The Perfection
4. Us
3. Ready or Not
2. The Lighthouse
1. Midsommar

I feel like this was the year for return masterpieces as 3 of these films were directed by directors that made recent previous lists. Tough call between my top 3 as one is one of the most fun of the decade and two are some of the most unforgettable. Midsommar grabbed me harder than any feature this year, and for that I tip my hat.

Top Whore-Ers of the 2000's

Much better decade for the genre! So much so, that I am deciding to do a top 5 (or possibly more) depending on the year. Leggo




2000
5. Final Destination
4. Unbreakable
3. Ginger Snaps
2. The Gift
1. American Psycho


Not a bad start up for the decade! A pretty respectable top 5, Final Destination was the start of one of the hugest franchises of the decade, Unbreakable continued the streak of Shamaylan's success, Ginger Snaps has to be one of the best werewolf movies ever, and The Gift is such an underrated joy. But in the end, for sheep depravity and a balls to the walls performance by Christian Bale, I couldn't help but run with American Psycho.










2001
5. Jeepers Creepers
4. May
3. The Others
2. Donnie Darko
1. Frailty


This was such a great year, maybe I'm biased as Fuck and a lot of it was trash but this was the year my parents started letting me see a lot of these movies so screw it. Frailty was a no-brainer for me though, the twist alone gets me every time.








2002
5. Cabin Fever
4. Panic Room
3. Signs
2. The Ring
1. 28 Days Later


This was a stellar year as looking through, I could have easily tacked on another good 5 movies that I was proud to list. 28 Days Later gave invention and life back to a genre that is rather dead (major pun intended) so I can't not vote that one.










2003
5. Wrong Turn
4. Freddy Vs. Jason
3. The Texas Chainsaw Massacre
2. High Tension
1. House of 1000 Corpses


Another great year! I had such a blast seeing these and many more this year. House of 1000 Corpses was pure nightmare fuel from beginning to end and therefore was my horse to back.








2004
5. Secret Window
4. Saw
3. Open Water
2. Shaun of the Dead
1. Dawn of the Dead


I can't believe the original Saw is 16 fucking years old. Jesus. Another awesome year, but when I think of near perfect remakes, Dawn of the Dead immediately comes to mind.









2005
5. Wolf Creek
4. The Devil's Rejects
3. Hostel
2. War of the Worlds
1. The Descent


How can it not be The Descent? Claustrophobia, paranoia, physical danger, the movie really touched on more than one type of fear and it did it all with such brauva.








2006
5. The Hills Have Eyes
4. Saw III
3. Hatchet
2. Bug
1. Pan's Labyrinth


Probably such a cliched choice but I can't help, Pan's Labyrinth really won me over and similar to The Descent, really touched on several different types of features and did it with such a beauty.






2007
05. The Poughkeepsie Tapes
04. Sweeney Todd
03. Grindhouse
02. Trick R' Treat
01. REC


THIS IS THE YEAR! If I had to guide anyone to a variety of movies based on the year they came out, I'd happily and easily refer them here. There was even a good 5-6 options I left off that I was bummed about. Tough call, but REC
was a 75 min heart attack.



2008
5. The Ruins
4. Eden Lake
3. Midnight Meat Train
2. The Strangers
1. Lake Mungo


Maybe I was a bit spoiled by the previous year, but this one just felt....meh. Lake Mungo, on the contrary to Trick R' Treat, took a genre that I am NOT a huge fan of (the found footage/documentary genre) and really made it feel authentic and chilling all at once, and I'm not just talking about THAT scene




2009
5. Sorority Row
4. Splice
3. Orphan
2. Dead Snow
1. Drag Me To Hell


A pretty fair way to end the decade! A lot of remakes this year, most of which were hits others were....choices. Drag Me To Hell felt like a rollercoaster from beginning to end, inventive, fun, and proof that you can be a boss with a PG-13 rating.

Gretel & Hansel

The whole thing just feels like a 90 min stretch to a workout that isn't coming. That's all doe??!

1/4

The Lodge

You know how in Spongebob when Patrick had the idea to take Bikini Bottom and move it somewhere else? Well, can I take Riley Keough's performance and move it into a less anemic version of Hereditary?

2/4

The Invisible Man

Sigh. Easily the best movie I saw in what has unfortunately been a short cinematic year. Elizabeth Moss is stellar and just one of many recent performances that make me wish we had some type of prestigious awards ceremony for just horror movies and their performances as well. She's really great. And I liked how they tied in the elements of supernatural and mental as well. Not only does she have to worry about her ex who committed suicide coming after her in invisible form, she has to worry about the state of her mental health due to the lack of support from anyone around her. Because of course this is that type of scenario where someone swears something is going on and everyone and their mother unintentionally (and in some cases intentionally) is gas lighting her, making her question what is real and what is not. Which is in turn more bone chilling then an invisible figure who could cut your throat at a moment's notice (nudge nudge).

3/4

The Hunt

The people that were genuinely offended by this movie are the same fools that are iv'ing each other with disinfectants as we speak, this movie was a fucking riot.

3/4

Wendigo

I feel like they intended to make a slow burner out of this, but instead ended up with something more similar to when you don't let the burner catch on before jamming it all the way to "High". It just felt like a big miss. There really isn't any suspense built up in regards to the Wendigo figure himself, and by the time you see him, it reminds me of the Jeepers Creepers sequel where you see him way too fucking much. I felt like there could have been a cool myth or be careful what you wished for type of story with this creature and how he's summoned upon innocent people, but all I felt was be careful what I dig out of the Amazon Prime bin.

1/4

68 Kill

It's like Pulp Fiction if Pulp Fiction shaved off length, went to the White Trash ball and fucked its' cousin. I adored it.

3/4

The Lighthouse

Wow. Just wow. Horror can be a genre which, in my opinion, is that one that can be the most thought provoking of them all. It's been almost a week since I've seen this and I'm still just wondering...how? Worth a view for anyone who enjoys slow burns that know when to hit, the director once again knocks it out of the park (previous film was The Witch which as you can see, I adored) . Robert Pattinson and Willem Dafoe deserve lifetime achievement awards, and this movie has permanently fucked up my opinion on mermaids, seagulls, and anything related to the sea.

3/4 (so close to being a 4)

Midsommar

Really feels like the type of movie you need to have a cigarette after. Feels like a nervous breakdown the entire time and Florence Pugh is a revelation here. 

4/4

The Poughkeepsie Tapes

Bonechilling and at times it is unbearably tense.  I can't remember the last time a movie wasn't Shitty yet I wanted so many scenes to be over with already. 

3/4

Satanic Panic

Has some clever touches but sacrifices higher success by trying to hard to achieve more of them 

2/4

Fantasy Island

So, I mean we all knew this was gonna be a clusterfuck right? It delivers there at least. Whereas other terrible horror movies are awful while simultaneously taking themselves too seriously, this one at least has the sense to have the actors and screenplay dancing as the Titanic goes down. But in all seriousness, it's a mess. There's way too much going on, the jerky structure has the viewer leaping from one character's fantasy to the next before really getting a reason to care. Add on a conclusion that poorly blends hidden malice along with the supernatural, and you end up with an island that feels like a getaway from satisfaction. 

1/4

The Grudge

So let me tell you a brief history of me and this Shit. So when I first heard about this, I thought....Fuck no. Then I saw the watered down preview and thought oh :).....definitely Fuck no. Then that Damn Redband trailer came along...biggest tease ever, I actually saw a ray of hope. That ray of hope died almost instantly. The whole thing is just raggedy. They have a pretty talented cast and give them jackshit to do. The structure is off as well, there's 3 stories they cut in and out of, but because of what's the most recent story you have an idea of how the other two will end. They also change the origin of the curse and there's no ending. Fuck this mess. 

1/4