Wrong Turn 3

I would love to meet the people that decide which ideas are solid enough to be turned into movies. What the fuck is being said no to when movies like Wrong Turn 3 are given the permission to exist? Wrong Turn 3 is an absolute shitfest, and easily one of the worst horror movies I have seen in years.

The original Wrong Turn, while maybe not the most original movie (hey there Deliverance), at least seemed to have a point in being made. I thought it delivered some legit thrills, was pretty entertaining, and minus the nonstop, never-ending obnoxious shrieking from Emmanuelle Chriqui....I believe that Wrong Turn was pretty fair in terms of performances as well. And then the straight-to-DVD sequel rolls around. And even though it felt like a cheap knock-off of the first movie, it at least had one or two surprises and a couple good scares. Wrong Turn 3 provides nothing. I see no point in this movie being made at all.

The story is so fucking retarded. This chick Alex (played with absolutely no intensity, excitement, or originality by Janet Montgomery) watches all of her friends gets murdered in gruesome traps, and pretty much hides out until a bunch of convicts and the cops escorting them show up. Wouldn't there be a bit MORE security when transporting convicts? If the hillbilly is so intelligent, then why didn't he just kill Alex off before she ran into the other people? How did she avoid danger? And considering this does take place in West Virginia like the first two movies, wouldn't people know to stay the fuck away from this? Absolutely retarded.

Thrills and chills obviously took a vacation as well. There's absolutely nothing scary or even creepy going on here. Just the standard cat and mouse game. Someone talks. Someone else walks into a trap that destroys them (in some of the worst CGI ever). Hillbilly laughs. People run. And repeat. And no, I'm not downplaying the movie's routine. It really is that fucking dull and montonous. Once you've seen one person get dissected by the hillbilly's trap, you've pretty much seen the entire bit of this 90 minute torture chamber of a movie.

And if the lack of thrills, humor, and a solid storyline aren't enough to say no thanks, the performances are so goddamn awful it's like a gun to the head. Janet Montgomery (while hot) can't act her way out of a paper bag. You never really feel like she's even remotely terrified, sad, or even peeved off. She goes through the motions in every line she delivers and puts herself on auto-pilot. And the prisoners' dialogue and performances are fucking ridiculous. Every one of them overracts and speaks like an angry middle schooler that just got out of juvie. Fuck. Shit. Fuck. I'm gonna fucking kill you. Get the fuck up. Die. Yeah, it must have taken years to write this great American script.

Wrong Turn 3 is an embarassing movie on everyone's parts. It's not scary, the acting is shit, it's boring, the effects suck, and it doesn't even have any sense of humor or fun in it. When the obligatory part 4 comes out, just avoid this like a tedious, neverending plague of grotesque bullshit.

0/4