Chain Letter

Chain letters are bad. Chain letters can kill. If you don't forward one then you deserve to be murdered by a guy with chains considering you gave up your right to privacy by using all this technology shit. Yes, I'm not even kidding, this is the motto to Chain Letter, a tedious, waste of an opportunity with a strange as fuck message to boot.

Chain Letter starts off with some promise. Actually, the best scene happens first which actually was pretty smart in getting audiences interested before showing them about 2 awesome minutes before 94 awesome ones. A girl is dragged by her parents' cars because she is attatched to (you guessed it, CHAINS!), after a certain point...she is led into traffic. Coolness. :D

Chain Letter actually has an interesting premise. An annoying hassle that everyone generally ignores could lead to deciding if you will live or die. Kinda ironic in a way actually. The problem is that Chain Letter goes about with this idea all wrong. It doesn't make much sense at all. So *Spoiler Alert* you find out that the killer is a soldier that had bad experiences in the war as a result due to technology. Ummm, okay. Not only was it not a supernatural entity like I was hoping the movie would be about, but it's about some random fuck that you never even get to see anyways. His motives just become really unclear. You never find out what these particular teens did (besides all being boring as fuck, I can literally count the things I remember them saying on one hand) to deserve these chainful deaths. And another question, if everyone was to continue forwarding the letter, what would he do then? Go to a lazier community? And another thing, at one point, someone who actually forwarded the chain letter is attacked by the soldier from his roof. What da fuck? Was he waiting up there all day? Stupid.

As for the bloodshed (one of the few redeeming factors of this movie), I would be lying if I didn't say it was kinda awesome. Characters are ripped apart faster then you can say "Oh shitfuck". Every death is bloody, brutal, and in some cases...actually a bit surprising. My favorite would be the one mentioned earlier, and the guy in the gym. Those were the most brutal which automatically makes them love in my book. Unfortunately though, despite these gruesome and appealing scenes, Chain Letter is never really that scary. There's no substance to this. It's like taking 5 pounds of sugar, putting it on bread and calling it a movie. The entire thing is pretty much like this. Kill scene, talking, looking at computer, kill, kill, kill, END! There's never any tension or real build-up here. You don't even see the main character (who turns out to be the girl from the first), have a fight with the killer. He just gets her and...that's it.

As for the performances, overall they're actually not that bad. Not one link is terribly amazing, but some actually hold their own pretty well, especially Nikki Reed (whose still responsible for one of my favorite movies ever) and Michael J. Pagan.

So overall, Chain Letter isn't the epic failure it could have been, but it is pretty lackluster. Missed opportunities, lack of logic, and a lack of genuine thrills sink the boat despite some awesome killings, a decent premise, and some decent acting. Can't wait for the movie about the killer party invitation to be the sequel. Lezz go.

1/4