Creature

I love cheesy horror movies. They're my guilty pleasure. Hatchet was cheesy as fuck but at least it was fun with competent performances and a ton of thrills and humor to get by. I think there can be a lot of fun with having a cheesy horror movie. Not here though, Creature is so fucking awful it's not even bad in a fun way. It takes a potentially cool situation and fucks it into the ground in the most tedious manner possible. It's like taking someone to an amusement park and stopping them with a hit to the head whenever they go on a ride. No fun.

Creature is an absolutely mind-numbing fuckfest of stupidity. The story can be summarized in less then one sentence. People get attacked by creature. Shit like this must have taken seconds, maybe minutes to come up with. Never has a 90 minute horror movie felt so goddamn agonizing.

It's really not scary or funny at all either. Shit on Scyfy channel has kept me more entertained in 10 minutes then Creature provides in the previously mentioned....ridiculously long 90 minutes. It's just awful. Not awful in the funny way where it's sort of amusing. Not awful in the way where it sucks but at least there's some good gore (just about every killing occurs offscreen...lame). Just awful. The writing is bland and the story is nonexistent.

And to make shitty matters even fuckier....they try to throw in some monkey-brained twists in the last half hour. I kid you not....a girl tries to fuck her friend's boyfriend, and then later goes on to giving her brother (who screws everyone over and turns out to have a Dad whose into sacrificing), a handjob. Yes. This is how deep we're gettting here, folks.



Creature is a ridiculously awful movie. Nothing redeeming at all and it will easily be one of the worst movies of 2011 no matter what is in store for films this year. Paying any amount to see this is like lighting your arm on fire when you're hot. Totally pointless, stupid, and in the end...you just feel burned.

0/4