Darkness Falls

Bad horror movies are like the plague. You try to avoid them as best as you can. No one looks forward to having any experience with them. And despite this, both will always find a way to get in contact with you and fuck up a bit of your time. And by that comparison, I introduce Darkness Falls, a terrible, terrible, terrible movie.

Darkness Falls has a pretty simple premise. Evil tooth fairy haunts everyone in the town where she was murdered, attempting to hunt down all of the residents in the darkness. Mainly Kyle Walsh (played without an ounce of personality by Chaney Kley), his crush Caitlin (Emma Caufield from Buffy) and her little brother Michael (played by who gives a fuck, he sucks). The first 10 minutes or so is pretty effective. Kyle watches his Mom get killed by the evil tooth fairy. Watching a family member die right in front of your face has always been a terrifying idea to me. Darkness Falls then flies off the track soon after.

Even though the previously mentioned beginning is good, Darkness Falls does absolutely nothing beneficial after. There's no twists, there's no future plot advancements, hell there's barely even a climax. It's just about 80 minutes of Kyle running around and having no one believe his story until another threadbare character bites the dust right in front of their face. It gets old really quickly.

Darkness Falls is about as productive as a fattie in a marathon. It literally is 90 minutes of absolute nothing. There's barely any story, you don't really know shit about the characters and even less about the ones that pop up for 2 seconds before getting dragged away by the tooth fairy. The murders (which you can see coming about 2 planets away) mainly occur offscreen and the special effects are less than impressive due to how frequent you see the tooth fairy. She goes from slightly creepy to just flat out ridiculous based on how many times you see her towards the end. Nothing left to the imagination in this movie at all.

Darkness Falls is a giant ball of bullshit. Absolutely no merit at all. I would rather rip out every tooth possible and throw myself into every dark corner available rather than watch this bullshit one more time. Can't wait for the evil Easter bunny movie. Hoorah.

1/4