Friday the 13th

I'm probably going to movie review hell for saying this but IDGAF....Friday the 13th was actually a pretty good remake. Sure it's nothing but Jason killing horny, drunken, druggie teenagers for 90 minutes, but it's not like the original was anything different so I won't knock this version down for dumbing down the original.

In this Friday the 13th, we actually get to watch Jason plow through two groups of teenager. In the first 30 minutes, Jason demolishes a group of teens (my favorite death was the one with the sleeping bag), and saves one of them named Whitney (Amanda Righetti), because of her strong resemblance to his mother. He keeps her as his pet in his dungeon/home? type of deal. Soon after, her brother Clay (Jared Padalecki) runs into a new group of teens while looking for Whitney. As expected, it's not long before this group is meeting their end at any sharp object within Jason's grasp.

People don't go to Friday the 13th for an intriguing plot, Oscar-worthy performances, or a grand twist they didn't see coming. They go to see tits, blood, and the occasional good one-liner thrown in between each kill. And overall, I would say that this one delivers each of those. There's tons of nudity and sex (Julliana Guill gets a large opportunity to show off her well...largeness). Willa Ford also gets a nice chance to show off her assets as well, despite being in the movie for as long as her singing career lasted. A lot of the kills are pretty neat as well. The death scenes involving a sleeping bag, a bow and arrow, and a machete through the head were easily the best. Hell, there's even a death at the end that I didn't really see coming. As for humor, I would say it has some of that as well, thanks mainly to the token stoner and black guy.

As for the negatives...my main one is that everything has the the tendency to be too dark and/or fast. Michael Bay and Marcus Nispel (who created the very music video-ish Texas Chainsaw Massacre) have the tendency to film everything like you're in a windtunnel. Tons of shit is flying in front of your face but you couldn't be any more clueless as to what's going on. Another is in the structure of the film. I much preferred the first group of people that dies in the first half hour to the second group that takes up the rest of the movie. It just seems a bit pointless and tedious to me to kill a whole group of teens after setting them up for it....only to do the exact same thing over again. Repetition in a 90 minute movie isn't cute.

Overall, Friday the 13th gets the job done. Skin is shown, skin is impaled, things are smoked, liquids are consumed, and brain cells are on vacation. Which is exactly what's expected when watching a movie like Friday the 13th. Let's just hope that this one is the last Jason remake and no one comes up with the bright idea of Saturday the 14th for a sequel.

3/4