When I first saw the trailers for Piranha, I was actually pretty excited. I knew it would be dumb as fuck, but was hoping that it was going to have frights and humor as well. Unfortunately, I was wrong about this. Piranha really isn't that scary, nor is it really funny.
The biggest problem with Piranha is that it's just so half-assed in everything it does. The death scenes are graphic, but minus the big attack scene (which is probably one of my favorite death scenes in a horror movie since Ghost Ship), the demises of these characters just feels awfully tame. Once you've seen one person get eaten by a piranha (with some really cheesy special effects), you've seen them all.
There's very little humor in Piranha as well. I feel like there was some good comedic material behind the premise of piranhas devouring horny teenagers on Spring Break, but the movie is just too lazy to discover this material. Instead, you're left feeling really bored and underwhelmed especially in the level of comedy. Except for maybe Jerry O' Connell's death scene, that was kinda funny.
I was actually pretty surprised of how dull Piranha was. The first half is literally nothing but tits (though Kelly Brook is a babe, probably one of the things closest to being a highlight) and talking (with nothing really interesting being said). It's just total filler and a giant waste of half the movie. Piranha could have been a 20 minute Scifi channel movie based on how thin the narrative is played out.
Piranha is a big disappointment even for trashy horror movies. It's too stupid to really be funny, it's too dull to be scary, and there's just nothing memorable enough to even make this movie stand-out amongst all the other shitty movies in this genre. Just keep swimming, swimming...away from this bullshit.
1/4
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